Sugar Rushed

Whitney.

2012-02-12T11:47:00.000-08:00

Nothing classier than "Saving All My Love for You" has ever occurred. From the flawlessly soulful vocal epitomizing an endlessly difficult relationship and place in life, to the sax inflections and amazing video, one could hardly ask for more in an utter classic ballad.

Similarly, has a better self-esteem anthem than "Greatest Love of All" ever been witnessed? The words "I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow / If I fail, if I succeed / At least I've lived as I believed...no matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity" gave a rush of ambition and confidence to so many, myself included.

The giddy, exuberant goofiness of this delightful song and video, especially that headband, cannot be denied!

Thank you, Whitney, for releasing a song that all of us oversensitive people can relate to. We do get so emotional, baby!

When it comes to The Bodyguard soundtrack, "I Will Always Love You" got all the attention, yet for me, "I Have Nothing" is vastly superior, a no holds barred epic moment of balladry basically unequaled. Inevitably, some poor fool on American Idol always tries to sing this, and crashes and burns with equal inevitability.

"I Run to You" is another sterling pop moment from The Bodyguard. It's a tough-yet-vulnerable love song of incredible purity and strength.

Remember all of these videos from The Bodyguard? They're all the same. Sometimes the clips of Whitney and Kevin are in a different order, and the interspersed segments of Whitney singing are changed up, but essentially, these are all the exact same video. But we didn't care and we never got sick of it, because Whitney and The Bodyguard were the coolest effing things in the world at that point in time.

Whitney's flawlessly soothing rendition of the wisdom of Babyface made "Exhale (Shoop, Shoop)" another unforgettable classic. Encompassing what is indisputably the meaning of life with near-nonchalant perfection, here is some more complete Class on Toast.

Waiting to Exhale was a fun movie, especially for the scene in which Angela Bassett blew up the car, and all the moments of b.f.f. solidarity, but it was nothing in comparison to its amazing soundtrack. It also featured Whitney's heart-wrenching "Why Does it Hurt so Bad?"

It seemed like when I was fourteen, every single girl in my age bracket was handed a copy of the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack as an automatic welcome to being teenagers in the mid-nineties. It was everywhere.

Haters be damned, I liked The Preacher's Wife. Yet another outstanding soundtrack, especially with regard to the stunning "I Believe in You and Me":

My Love is Your Love was the last Whitney album I was especially aware of and into. "It's Not Right, but It's Okay" was extremely popular; I happened to prefer the smooth kiss-off ballad "I Learned from the Best":

The title track from My Love is Your Love had a pleasant, mellow feeling to it.

Class on Toast is forever!

Barbarellas - Night Mode (it's those twins from B*witched!)

2012-02-06T09:05:00.000-08:00

Who are these mysterious ladies?!?!?!

Wait a minute....

Keavy and Edele, the endlessly peppy goofball twins from '90's Irish pop act B*witched, are back! Surely, you remember B*witched, they of the step-dance breakdowns and unkillable grins? If not, here's a quick refresher:

Oh my God. They make Steps seem smooth and sophisticated.

Having mislaid Sinead and Lindsay (the twins were the lead vocalists in B*witched anyway) along the way, Keavy and Edele have now formed Barbarellas, a dance-pop act that is quite a departure from their sugary-sweet roots. This is of course, in the sense that Barbarellas, as evidenced by their debut album Night Mode, is poser-"edgy", overproduced schlock. It is, however, really good fake-"scandalous" overproduced schlock, the epitome of that which I call Trash on Toast.

At their best, Barbarellas sound like the more inspiring output of latter-day Bananarama such as "Move in My Direction" and "Look on the Floor (Hypnotic Tango)." I really like saying "Look on the Floor (Hypnotic Tango)." At their worst, they sound like B*witched run through a garbage disposal and then doused in the sweat from a Lady GaGa tribute act at some random bar. Clearly, even the latter is not unenjoyable in the least.

"Body Rock," the debut single and first track on the album, is a glistening example of the lower end of Barbarella's abilities. Second outing "Night Mode" is far superior; at least the lyrics kinda sorta make sense, and "Big" continues the trend of mindless yet effective fun. The harder edges and bad girl stances, accompanied by blunter-toned and more produced vocals, do often distract from the Lynch sisters' stereotypical popdentities.

However, the feather boas alone serve as a clear reminder of the goofball tendencies, cementing Barbarellas' status as denizens of the realm of delightfully silly oblivion.

The album bops along seamlessly from one trashy romp to the next, until the standout track "Faith in Me" comes along. This stripped-down ballad, wherein we can actually hear the girls' vocal talents on display, sense actual emotion, and enjoy a darkness-tinged rally to hope, reveals the promise that with a bit more focus, Barbarellas could go much further with their next album:

After a few more dancey tracks, the album devolves into a strangely melodramatic and unconvincing series of ruminations, including "Smokin'"'s ridiculous bordello description. However, Night Mode is crammed with good timez and should definitely be checked out. The promise for greater achievements is there, if looked for, or one can simply enjoy the trashiliciousness for what it currently is.

8.5 pink flowers out of ten.

YA Book Reviews: Pretty Little Liars, Infernal Devices, Fallen and more!

2012-01-17T15:20:00.000-08:00

Pretty Little Secrets: A Pretty Little Liars Collection by Sara Shepard

This collection of Liars stories takes place between two of the previous novels (Unbelievable and Wicked) and explains the shenanigans the girls got up to over one eventful winter break. Each Liar gets her own separate section of the novel, which has the effect of intriguingly isolating the types of stories which are usually interspersed amongst each other in the regular PLL books. While the first two stories, which are by far superior to the latter two, benefit from this method, the predictability of the second half of the book stands out more than it would if mixed in with other, more interesting tales.

Hanna's story, which kicks off the proceedings, is an often downright harrowing account of her insecurities mounting after Isabel and Kate move in and start taking over. As usual, Hanna's dad's tiny moments of redemption do little to excuse his often callous neglect of his daughter. This plotline is combined with an often hilarious gym adventure wherein Hanna tries to win the heart of a personal trainer.

Emily actually gets a lighthearted story this time out, which I'm fairly sure has never happened before, and it suits her beautifully. Her attempts to infiltrate a crew of "naughty elves" while working at the mall is cute and even suspenseful.

Aria's section of the book feels like filler, and is the weakest of the four. Her ex-boyfriend from Iceland is so obviously sketchy and lacking in charm that - even though we can buy her emotional desperation and romantic neediness - it's frustrating and fruitless to witness her attempts to make something out of nothing. Elements of this story that are supposed to be funny are just goofy and sometimes even annoying. The panther adventure is actually funnier when fleetingly referred to in the other parts of the book, though not as funny as the Aminowater references.

Spencer enjoys a fun, if by-the-numbers, little romp on vacation in Florida, once again competing with Melissa for a guy who clearly doesn't deserve either one of them. This section reminded me of a quick little Sweet Valley High story, tightly plotted and very readable, but paling in comparison to the earlier parts of Pretty Little Secrets.
9 pink flowers out of ten

Fallen by Lauren Kate
Paranormal teen romance may be exceptionally (and often delightfully) common, and reincarnated angel romances a subgenre we've seen a few times (even spliced with vampires in Melissa Marr's Blue Bloods series). Obviously, every single one of these novels requires a love triangle. So with all of these qualities in heavy play, what does Lauren Kate bring to the party that makes Fallen special?

A likable heroine is one important and increasingly rare element, as it is especially difficult to remain relatable and non-bitchy while two guys are fighting over one. Yet Luce, a raven-haired beauty sent to a reform school after a mysterious and deadly fire, manages to be unassuming but not as obnoxiously fake-"who? me?"-seeming as some of her genre peers are. Luce feels bizarrely drawn to the outright rude and petulant Daniel, and naturally is not as intrigued by the apparently sweet and genuine Cam, who seeks her affections as assiduously as Daniel avoids them.

The mythology doesn't really unfold until the final chapters, and much remains to be explained in the sequel. Even though the bulk of the first novel is spent following Luce as she cute-stalks Daniel and tries to solve his enigma, a slow-burn build-up is made likable by the romantic tone and a cast of relatively plucky schoolmate characters. The eventual battle is fleetingly portrayed, and the ending dwells too long on repetitive confessions of love, yet the epilogue poses fascinating questions about where the story will go next.
9 pink flowers out of ten.

Evernight by Claudia Gray
I found the pages flipping by quickly with this one, despite its utter predictability and somewhat juvenile characters. After all, don't we all read YA novels expecting unrealistically sophisticated and mature teen characters? For some possibly unknowable reason, that is definitely a draw. This is essentially Vampire Academy mega-lite, with the naive heroine Bianca dealing with some toothy issues alongside her first romantic relationship with the only-somewhat-swoon-worthy Lucas. The secondary love interest, Balthazar, seems more attractive and interesting.

The pacing is quick and the suspense easy enough to buy into for a fun, casual little read, with a main twist which is clever and creative.
8 pink flowers out of ten.

Clockwork Prince (Infernal Devices #2) by Cassandra Clare
After a rather lackluster installment in the Mortal Instruments series, Clare is back with an astoundingly delightful, deeply romantic and highly thrilling entry in her Victorian-set prequel series The Infernal Devices. The love triangle (but of course) between Tessa, Will, and Jem heats up - mainly due to Will's artifice of not loving Tess, which leads her to accept Jem's affections instead. Since Will isn't especially good at hiding his feelings, whether in searching gazes, compliments, caresses, or other key signs, Tessa seems a bit impetuous and blind for leaping into Jem's arms. After all, the latter fellow is dying (one wonders if a reprieve does exist for Jem?) and needs Tessa's love with a desperation which makes it a bit cruel for her to feign more of it than she really feels. The love scenes with Tessa and Jem lack any real spark, while the tension sizzles between Tessa and Will throughout the novel.

The main plotline follows the Institute's attempts to catch the evil Magistar, in the meantime outing Jessamine's fumbling bad girl activities, secrets of Will's family and past, and unearthing even more unsolved mysteries. The ending, while exceedingly frustrating, lays the ground for some serious angst in the next novel - a quality wherein Clare excels.
10 pink flowers out of ten.

Ruthless (Pretty Little Liars #10)
Overall, this was another extraordinarily suspenseful and enjoyable PLL novel, with a prickly and unpredictable new foil (Kelsey) and yet another slip into insanity for Spencer.

Emily, as always, is tormented relentlessly throughout the story - the other girls are intermittently granted brief bits of happiness with their boyfriends, but Em's trouble with the laydays seems to know no end.

After everything she's been through, Hanna still hasn't learned that divulging someone else's massive, horrible secret is a poor form of vengeance - I expect that she'll regret telling Liam's family secret when the next novel rolls around.

Aria's plotline is, unfortunately, just ridiculous. Seriously, I hate Noel. How dare he believe "Klaudia" for all that time and then humiliatingly dump Aria and date that Finnish hussy?! Despite the fact that Ezra's portrayal in this entry is almost entirely unconvincing (he's suddenly egotistical, insecure, and whiny about his writing) (and he makes out with Klaudia??!!), he still doesn't come off as poorly as Noel, though we're still clearly expected to respond with glee when Aria takes the latter back at the end. Gag. Grr. Argh.

It's interesting that Spencer is so desperate and unhinged in the book series, while on the tv show she is the most composed and intelligent of the Liars. While I prefer many aspects of the show to those of the books, the novels are still and always the original, and ultimately a consistently quick and juicy read.

----btw, what happened in Iceland?!
9 pink flowers out of ten.

The Best Pop Singles of 2011

2011-12-22T07:29:00.000-08:00

UK:

1. Florrie - "I Took a Little Something"

A song so astoundingly beautiful that it does not even need lyrics. Yet there are lyrics. And they are lovely.

2. Marina and the Diamonds - "Fear and Loathing"

A wisdom bomb of epic proportions.

3. Take That - "When We Were Young"

As a possible coda to the reunion of the band as a five-piece, it's hard to imagine a more suitable or poignant send-off.

4. Florence and the Machine - "Shake it Out"

An anthem to end all anthems, yet she has more up her voluminous sleeves to be sure.

5. Charli XCX - "Stay Away"

A masterpiece of angsty passive aggression tempered with fearful fascination.

6. JLS - "Take a Chance on Me"

I know we're shifting gears a bit here, but awwwww!

7. The Saturdays - "My Heart Takes Over"

A stunning return to heart-wrenching balladry for the fabulous Sats.

8. Jessie J - "Who You Are"

It's okay not to be okay. Gorgeous.

9. Katy B - "Broken Record"

A gentle yet bewitching ode to wistful yearning.

10. Little Mix - "Cannonball"

I can't believe the act I wanted to win X Factor UK actually won X Factor UK.

11. Leona Lewis - "Collide"

This didn't set the charts alight, but it sure is jaw-droppingly pretty.

12. Matt Cardle - "Starlight"

Haters gonna hate, but I loved both his two previous singles "When We Collide" and "Run For Your Life," and this newer one is the best of the three.

13. Cher Lloyd - "With ur Love"

If you are capable of resisting this "da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dum" hook, I don't want to know you.

14. The Wanted - Lightning"

"Just you and me and the coats in the back room / doing things they don't teach in the classroom." Just one of many poptastically resplendent lyrics on hand here.

15. One Direction - "That's What Makes You Beautiful"

There's a reason why typing the word "one" into the Youtube search window immediately turns up this video. As I've mentioned before, not since the days of Backstreet Boys and Jesse McCartney has there been such an unabashedly, sugar-drenched anthem of male adoration for a doubtful object of affection.

16. Monarchy ft Britt Love - "You Don't Want to Dance with Me"

A perfect team-up which yields charmingly eccentric results.

17. Nicola Roberts - "Lucky Day"

By far and away one of the best tracks off of the Girls Aloud member's debut solo album. Lovably quirky and cute. Don't forget to enjoy her fourth-wall-breaking glance at the end of the video.

18. Pixie Lott - "All About Tonight"

Pixie retooled her image and sound with this catchy "let's all go to the club" bit of highly addictive fluff.

19. Westlife - "Lighthouse"

Lalalalala, they're not breaking up, lalalalalaalalalalala....(leave me alone).

20. Olly Murs - "Heart Skips a Beat"

Not only is this ridiculously catchy and adorable, but the video features the best use of an enormous record since Dannii Minogue's legendary "Put the Needle on it."

21. Natalia Kills - "Free"

Broke and in love with shopping? Here's your ode!

22. Parade - "Louder"

There are even better songs on their debut album, but this first single is an undeniable corker, and the predominance of glitter in the video is glorious.

Best of Scandinavia

1. Amanda Mair - "Doubt"

A stunning debut single replete with soul-searching and indicative of what can only be a truly impressive album (hopefully coming very soon).

2. Robyn - "Call Your Girlfriend"

No one wants to be broken up with, usually, and it's hard to say whether being left specifically for the magnificent and wise Robyn would ease or increase the woe of such an event. Perhaps that is the utter genius of this song.

3. Oh Land - "White Nights"
A shimmering, iridescent incident of pop glory quite typical of Oh Land.

4. Sound of Arrows - "Nova"

Epic, epic, epic.

5. Tove Styrke - "Call My Name"

Sassy and fierce, an excellent addition to her growing resume of awesomeness.

6. Vanbot - "Make Me, Break Me"

Vanbot arrived seemingly out of nowhere and dropped a first album of distracting perfection to which this track is a perfect introduction.

International incidents:

1. Martin Solveig ft Dragonette - "Hello"

This happens to be one of those rare cases wherein "that song that's in all the commercials and movies and tv shows" is actually quite excellent.
>

2. Martin Solveig ft Sunday Girl - "Let's Not Play Games"

This absolute gem, featuring the always beautiful and emotive vocals of Sunday Girl, ought to be a massive hit, but is actually hard to find on Youtube. Odd.

3. Calvin Harris ft Kelis - "Bounce"

Textbook bubblegum pop perfection.

US:

1. Alexis Jordan - "Good Girl" (Freemasons remix)

This was a truly great song in its original form, a masterwork of alternatively sweet and violent imagery capped with the irresistibly brilliant hook "I know I can be a good girl, but I've been bad before." Then Freemasons got their hands on it and transformed it into an anthem of such startling magic that it quite boggles the mind.

2. Demi Lovato - "Skyscraper"

There is no faking or approximating this level of honest vulnerability in pop balladry.

3. Nicole Scherzinger - "Try with Me"

Let's just put aside the fact that poor Nicole is just one more victim of the wretched joke that is the US version of X Factor. She's so much more than that.

Case in point: this utterly fascinating and original song, which starts with the confusing lyric "When you say, leave your keys on the counter..." We're not quite sure where she's going with this. It meanders prettily on as a ballad until quite abruptly and marvelously, at the start of verse 2 it somehow blossoms into a dance beat. Fantastic.

4. Lady Gaga - "Edge of Glory"

This is just beautiful, anyway you slice it.

5. Kelly Clarkson - "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)"

What's better than a pissed off, righteously self-righteous Kelly Clarkson? Nothing, that's what.

6. JoJo - "Disaster"

There is also nothing better than an angsty, spurned-in-love JoJo.

7. Alex Winston - "Sister Wife"

This has to be the catchiest and most slinkily charming track about polygamy, pretty much ever.

8. Britney Spears - "Til the World Ends"

An American pop song about dancing all night that actually makes one want to dance all night instead of falling asleep in a stupor of numbed despair. Well done, Britney!

9. Nicki Minaj - "Superbass"

The reason why Nicki Minaj always gets it exactly right is that she has an exquisitely acute understanding of what makes a great hip hop song and what makes a great pop song.

10. Beyonce - "Love on Top"

The 4 album might have been a tad underwhelming, but this was quite a high point.

11. Selena Gomez & The Scene - "Love You Like a Love Song"

Unabashedly euphoric pop simplicity. Cheese on Toast at its best.

A track-by-track review of Rihanna's Talk that Talk

2011-11-28T13:48:00.000-08:00

Let's face it, we all let Rihanna get away with some fairly mediocre songs due to the fact that she is supremely adorable. For example, Loud is a cute album. It's not a head-turning, startling work of pop genius by a long shot. For Ri-Ri songs matching that description, we can turn back the clock to previous albums. Here is a quick list of the works of Rihanna in greatest-to-lamest order:

1. A Girl Like Me

2. Good Girl Gone Bad

3. Rated R

4. Music of the Sun

5. Talk that Talk

6. Loud

From the dizzying bubblegum heights of "S.O.S." and the sweetly yearning balladry of "P.S. I'm Still Not Over You," it's a stomach-dropping fall to the dull "What's My Name."

However, matters have taken an upturn with Rihanna's brand new album Talk that Talk. There may not be gorgeously flawless tracks such as "Hate that I Love You" or "Firebomb," but there is fun to be had. Let's take a look.

1. U da one - The pop song version of a teddy bear. Irresistibly sweet and cuddly.

2. Where have you been? - This is a fairly enjoyable dance club number.

3. We found love - A much better, albeit already highly overplayed, dance club number.

4. Talk that talk ft Jay-Z - Rather a pleasant and catchy team-up.

5. Cockiness (love it) - Fans are already pile-diving on this track with an insta-lovefest, but frankly I don't get it. This is repetitive and harkens frighteningly back to Loud.

6. Birthday cake - Unimpressive. Much like the Worst Christina Aguilera Song of All Time (shudder! click here to review, masochists), here is a track that insists on reminding us that Rihanna is sexy and knows about all manner of naughty tricks!!!!! As if we had not been quite well informed on this topic by now. Extremely over-the-top and a bit boring.

7. We all want love - A huge improvement, this sensitive and pensive ballad may not be her best, but it stands out like a beacon of truth after the exhausting monotony of the previous two tracks.

8. Drunk on love - This is another solid song which follows nicely from "We all want love" and continues its theme of unabashed, wistful longing.

9. Roc me out - One of the much, much better sexy-time songs on Talk that Talk, this is somewhat "Rude Boy"-esque.

10. Watch 'n learn - Yawnsssiieeesss.

11. Farewell - Big Ballad Moment! This is quite excellent and has "SINGLE" written all over it. Additionally, Cheryl Cole has tweeted her approval for this song, thusly anointing it extra specially worthy of notice.

12. Red lipstick - Make. it. go. away.

13. Do ya thang - This is superb! Effortlessly, breezily cool, smooth, and sly, this accomplishes in one fell swoop all of the pop glory which "Red lipstick," "Birthday cake," and "Cockiness" aspire to but do not come close to touching.

14. Fool in love - Imagine Britney's "Criminal" slowed down to a crawl and injected with a ton of melodrama. Right, it's not too spectacular.

15. We found love (extended version) - Or this could have just been track 3.

8 pink flowers out of ten.

Evidence:

Here is a nice song from Talk that Talk.

It's entirely possible you might have heard this on the radio.

Flashback to the apex of Rihannian glory, part 1:

Flashback to the apex of Rihannian glory, part 2:

This is another quite-good track from Talk that Talk:

A track-by-track review of Kelly Clarkson's Stronger

2011-11-22T14:46:00.000-08:00

I cannot even think of the fabulous Kelly Clarkson without cursing the ridiculous lack of success of My December. After the tepid response to that by turns dark, gothic, soulful, angsty, angry, righteous, and sensitive album, "execs" seem to have pressured Kelly back into straight-ahead popland, despite the fact that all of her biggest hits - "Since U Been Gone," "Behind these Hazel Eyes," et al, were in fact rock-tinged and pissed off.

The best part about the new album Stronger is that it stands stories above the last album, All I Ever Wanted. The candy-bright cover art and large cache of filler tracks render that entry less and less compelling upon revisitation. At least Stronger blends some of the darker undertones of Kelly's best work with the bubblegum sensibilities which seem to be a firm requirement of "the suits." It does not feature much of Kelly's own writing, as several of her previous albums did, yet does truly shine in many areas.

1. Mr. Know it All - For some reason this doesn't sound like much at first, but it grows upon one like devil's snare on Harry Potter. As I mentioned in my single review, it's essentially the backing track from a sucky Bruno Mars track (i.e. any of them) covered over with pure badass Kelly Clarkson dissery. Although the lyrics are repetitive, they are addictive.

2. What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger) - this is an extremely excellent track that should be a massive hit. I checked the "Billboard Hot 100" and discovered (after scrolling through an abundance of horrifyingly bad and overplayed songs) that "Mr. Know it All" is still #19, so perhaps tis not time for "Stronger" to climb the charts yet.

Sassy, classy Kelly at her best!

3. Dark Side - I enjoy songs about one's dark side (here's another good one). Perhaps it is the Star Wars fan in me. At any rate, this is a catchy and lovable ballad.

4. Honestly - A powerful and moving vocal saves an otherwise mediocre bit of filler.

5. You Love Me - Terrific! This is rather like "Don't Waste Your Time" from My December with a major infusion of 80s pop sounds.

6. Einstein - Exceptional vocals aside, this sounds like an Avril Lavigne b-side from 2002. For a much better song using math as a metaphor for romantic trauma, check out this classic by Aly and AJ.

7. Standing in Front of You - Gentle and soothing; not a 100% head-turner, but pleasant indeed.

8. I Forgive You - This is far from the apex of Clarksonian glory, but it's hard not to love the lyric "I forgive you, I forgive me, now when do I start to feel again?"

9. Hello - We're listening, Kelly! You're not alone! This another rather infectious, 80's-sounding midtempo number.

10. The War is Over - This is a very honest, vulnerable-yet-wise song that will likely prove quite cathartic and helpful for many listeners. However, due to my "issues" with My December (by "issues" I mean "obsession"), it just makes me want to listen to "Sober" on repeat.

11. Let Me Down - Decent filler.

12. You Can't Win - Well, sometimes it seems that way. Here's a laundry list of Kelly's legitimate grievances.

13. Breaking Your Own Heart - :( Meh! Rather a downer for a final track. But there again, there is certainly a bit of a precedent for this: see also, "Irvine."

9 pink flowers out of ten.

A few words on the new Demi Lovato album...

2011-11-17T16:26:00.000-08:00

In fact, how's about a track-by-track review?

Demi Lovato - Unbroken

1. All Night Long ft Missy Elliott - Given the rather serious tenor of so much of this album and the publicity preceding it, the decision to implement r&b/party-heavy themes into Demi's music at this point is a bit of a head-scratcher. The results are mixed.

This first song is really pretty good, however, as evidenced by the presence of Missayyy (!!). It's the kind of fun, amped up let's-go-out-for-hours-on-end track one might expect to find at the very beginning of a Vanessa Hudgens album (clearly not a bad thing).

However, the difference between this track and tracks from Demi's previous two albums is that any cute, young female artist could be belting out "All Night Long." We certainly wouldn't say that about "Don't Forget" or "La La Land," et al.

2. Who's that Boy ft Dev - THIS IS AMAZING. This song has my permission to never end. Dev is the bomb and pairing her with Demi results in the only truly seamless bubble-gum-froth track on this album.

I swear, Dev is a Nicki Minaj-esque angel sent down from the heav'ns to save us from that terrible feeling in the pit of our stomachs when we see that someone lame is "featured" on a new track.

Speaking of which....

3. You're My Only Shorty ft Iyaz - What the hell is this?! Make it stop! Gawd.

4. Together ft Jason Derulo - zzzzzzz....the natural result of putting two artists with nothing in common together in a duet. Except for those rare cases wherein that experiment results in amazingness. This is not that.

5. Lightweight - This is the first Great Big Ballad moment, and album-pacing-wise as well as thematically, this is quite reminiscent of "Don't Forget" or "Catch Me." While it is not as good as either of those songs, probably because those are, in fact, the greatest Demi Lovato songs of all time, "Lightweight" is quite sterling.

It's vulnerable, honest-feeling, and a welcome dose of Class on Toast after a handful of very cheesy and inconsistent tracks. Moreover, this is the first song on the album that actually sounds as if it has some relevance to Demi's life over the last year.

These sorts of songs truly make one want to harm Joe Jonas in retribution for his general apparent heartlessness. The only factors holding one back from such behavior are that he is in the Jonas Brothers, and that Jonas LA and the Camp Rock saga happened. His "solo career" has done nothing to detract from such hostilities.

6. Unbroken - This is astoundingly spectacular. "Unbroken" does for Demi+DanceMusic what "Who's That Boy" does for Demi+R'nBPartayMusic.

7. Fix a Heart - A sturdy ballad that builds off of the quite-great lyric "baby, I just ran out of band-aids."

8. Hold up - Strong, sassy, and convincingly resilient. Another excellent track.

9. Mistake - A track that puts me rather in mind of Mandy Moore's "Your Latest Mistake." It's solid, but not a standout.

10. Give Your Heart a Break - In the brand new tradition of "Unbroken" and "Hold up," here is a third dance-pop oriented track that really shines. This would not have been out of place on Miley Cyrus's Can't be Tamed album (which was a terrific album).

11. Skyscraper - The massive, heart-wrenching, fabulous, irresistible power ballad smash hit single.

12. In Real Life - The album begins to step down following "Skyscraper," beginning its slow descent with this track, which is sort of a less interesting version of "Everytime You Lie" from Demi's Here We Go Again album.

13. My Love is Like a Star - A rather adorable ballad, not least of all because Demi pronounces the word "star" as "stayhar," and it makes me want to hug her.

14. For the Love of a Daughter - Here's Demi's real-life-based "my father is horrible" ballad, a la LiLo's "Confessions of a Broken Heart" or Christina Aguilera's "I'm O.K." It's not one of the better songs here, but clearly she needed to get this out of her system. Respect.

15. Skyscraper (Wizz Dumb remix) - This is "Skyscraper" with a slightly more produced, glossy, uptempo beat put in. Still an exemplary song, but no improvement on the original.

9 pink flowers out of ten: the great songs on this album are far, far greater than the lame tracks are lame. Welcome back, Demi!

Here are a few important pieces of evidence:

Here is one of the best songs on Unbroken:

Here is one of the two best Demi Lovato songs of all time:

and...

I don't actually need an excuse to include "Can't Back Down."

Its sheer, mind-numbing glory speaks for itself.

New Music Reviews: The Saturdays, Westlife, Pixie Lott and more!

2011-11-05T07:24:00.000-07:00

Class on Toast:

The Saturdays - My Heart Takes Over

It's November, ladies and gentleman, and that means that by royal Britpop decree and all rules of Britpopdom ever for that matter, it is time for a massive Saturdays ballad. Clearly the best-yet single from the upcoming album On Your Radar, "My Heart Takes Over" features poignant, passionate vocals, mainly from Vanessa and Rochelle, as well as the requisite contemplative video wandering through the fields of Iceland in gorgeous outfits.

Westlife - Lighthouse

Ballad season continues! Westlife is, tragically, soon to disband (sob!), bringing to an end one of the few old-school, honestly class act man bands around, but we'll always have the memories of "Tha Loife." This latest and possibly last (?) single was written by Gary Barlow, and so - as if the Westlifey-ness of it all weren't enough - is clearly amazing.

Amanda Mair - Doubt

Here's a new artist to watch. The iridescent charm of her passive-aggressive, moody first single shows tremendous promise.

Matt Cardle - Starlight

This excellently epic anthem (sample lyric: "it's almost like it wouldn't matter if we died tonight") screams "first track on the album," which of course, it is. Even though he needs to learn to lower his guitar whilst playing, Matt Cardle is still a cutie pie o' wisdom.

The Sound of Arrows - Wonders

There is finally, finally a Sound of Arrows album coming our way soon! We have had to content ourselves with the occasional single for the last couple of years. For the love of dreamy Swedishpop, it was too much to bear waiting between the songs! "Wonders" is yet another brilliantly evocative ode to love's adventures, proving that TSOA never disappoint.

Queen of Hearts - Shoot the Bullet

Queen of Hearts has put out so many excellent songs of late that it is hard to single one out as best. In fact, I'm being somewhat random in selecting the peppily vulnerable "Shoot a Bullet" - the languorous mystery of "Spanish Sahara" and the brooding magnificence of "Black Star" ("love me like you hate me, hate me like you love me") are at least equally superb.

Charli XCX - Nuclear Seasons

It's more 80s-stylized fabulosity for the ever-angsty Charli XCX, one of the most effectively, grittily angsty artists to emerge of late. We certainly need an album from her ASAP.

Cheese on Toast:

Pixie Lott - What Do You Take Me For?

A snappy little breakup kiss-off is rendered utter cheese by the accompanying video, awash as it is with the scantily clad Pixie dancing random dances and even more random rap interludes (may I posit that Dev would have been a better choice than Pusha T for this rap bit?) At any rate, I love it.

Olly Murs - Dance with Me Tonight

Olly Murs' body composition may actually be made up of cheese. It would not surprise me in the least given all of the evidence - take for example this sweet, fun little song with its self-referential winking-ness ("My name is Olly, nice to meet you, can I tell you baby...") and shenanigans-laden video. I am not complaining.

YA Book Reviews! Private, Pretty Little Liars, Bloodlines, and Gossip Girl, Psycho Killer!

2011-11-02T10:38:00.001-07:00

Twisted: A Pretty Little Liars Novel, by Sara Shepard
Shepard really outdid herself on this one. With everyone wondering where the series could possibly go following the seeming-finale Wanted, the Liars are back with a plethora of disturbing new secrets. The story is tightly plotted and as suspenseful as ever, if not more so. Twisted overflows with fearful revelations, to the extent that a few newly introduced suggestions are not fully unfurled by the last page as one might expect. After all, what did Spencer do to regain her academic prestige?
Speaking of Spencer, though the specter of her apparently nefarious shenanigans looms large, and meanwhile she's thrust into a terrible new stepfamily situation, she actually has it the easiest out of the Liars this time around. Poor Emily, as ever, gets the brunt of the woes, from the painful truth of how she spent her last summer, to the awful way her new friendship with Chloe is undermined by the girl's horribly creepy father.

Aria's relationship with Noel is put through the ringer when a skanky Finnish exchange student moves in with his family. Klaudia is so transparently evil and sluttishly conniving that Noel just seems like a moron for not believing Aria's suspicions. Yet another reason to root for the end of the pointless Aria/Noel romance and the return of "Ezria."

Hanna's unbelievably selfish father is running for Senate, and while he continues to favor evil stepsister Kate, his actual daughter stumbles into an embarrassing near-scandal that snowballs into further, increasingly suppressed problems.

And then there's what happened in Jamaica. Even when we find out, we don't really know what to think. Except to think that the next book can't come out soon enough!

Vengeance: A Private Novel, by Kate Brian

I must agree with the general consensus on this one: Vengeance is an underwhelming, surprisingly inconclusive conclusion to the lengthy Private series. As Reed plans to rebuild Billings, she is once again stalked and yet another character returns from the dead. I happen to love characters who come back from the dead; that's not the problem here, and neither is the identity of said non-corpse (but why couldn't it be Thomas?). It's that the motives of Reed's antagonists are both meaningless and tied into well-worn issues already resolved in past books. Most problematic of all, the witchcraft plotline is dismissed with a nonchalant paragraph early on in the novel, after a tremendous amount of momentum was built up around the entire concept. So we were taken out of the "secular" world and into a world where supernatural phenomena were possible, just to be jerked back to semi-normalcy again - huh?

Moreover, we already know where Reed ends up in the future, thanks to the far superior Privilege finale Cruel Love (which was insanely fabulous - hey, that could have been a Privilege title!). Ariana is so much more threatening and fascinating than any of Reed's other foes that it feels anticlimactic to move from the Reed/Ariana showdown backwards to a middling Reed vs Crazy Alums (Again) affair.

I've never been a Josh fan, and there's too much time in Vengeance focused on his typical whining. I did highly enjoy the returns of Taylor and Kiran, and when the original quartet reunited it left me expecting a massive shocker climax and finale that never came; the stakes seemed raised by the "cast" assembled in this novel. I seriously anticipated an incredibly wacky, awesomely deranged denouement and all we get is a lukewarm face-off between enemies who were only ever half-worrying and the clearly quite capable Reed and her b.f.f.'s.

As an enthusiastically obsessed fan of the Private series, I always hold that any Private novel is better than no Private novel at all. So it was great that we got one more book, but a bit disappointing that such a crazy-sauce series ended with such uncharacteristic blandness.

By the way, what are we going to do with ourselves now that this series is over?! Here's hoping that Kate Brian/Kieran Scott has more series coming soon!

Bloodlines, by Richelle Mead

This didn't knock my socks off, but I like spending time in the Vampire Academy world and find the characters and settings comfortably familiar and engaging. This actually seemed more like a tack-on to Final Sacrifice than the start of a new series. The new characters at Sydney and Jill's Palm Springs school are not all that engaging, so it's a good thing Adrian is around to add a little bit of spark. I listened to the Audible version of the novel, and have to say the girl's voice sounded nothing like what I thought Sydney would sound like. Rather than shrill and little-girlish, I always imagined Sydney to have a steely, sophisticated, authoritative tone.

Gossip Girl: Psycho Killer, by Cecily von Ziegesar
This truly is the first bit of greatness to come out of the Pride, Prejudice and Zombies, et al, trend. Instead of hijacking someone else's classic novel, von Ziegesar returns to her own first Gossip Girl novel and weaves references to casual and talented slaughter amidst the rest of the soapy girl warfare and romance. It's an intriguing and not entirely convincing choice to have Serena as the main serial killer; we all know S is too much of a powder puff sweetie-pie to have the nerve for such shenanigans. It is far easier to buy Blair as a nonchalant murderess. But with all of the hilarious bloodshed and limb-lopping, it's hard to hold anything against the author, even the death of a beloved character (one whose portrayal in the original novel notoriously differs from his behavior thereafter in the novel series and t.v. show).

This series has been in an odd place following the gorgeous, emotionally satisfying coda of I Will Always Love You and the severely underwhelming Carlyles spin-off (The It Girl it wasn't). While a new set of books covering Blair and Serena's college or even adult years (a la Sweet Valley Confidential) would be most welcome, Psycho Killer provides a fun traipse back through the Upper East Side's most treacherous midsts.

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Elena?

2011-10-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

Spoilers for The Vampire Diaries Seasons 1-3 and the book series...

In The Once and Future King, his epic novel of King Arthur's court, T.H. White said, "it is difficult to explain about Guenever, unless it is possible to love two people at the same time. Probably it is not possible to love two people in the same way, but there are different kinds of love." I can think of no more applicable quote to the complex and intriguing character of Elena Gilbert, heroine of L.J. Smith's book series The Vampire Diaries and its television adaptation on the CW. Towards the end of season two of the t.v. version, Elena's evil doppelganger Katherine told her, "It's okay to love them both. I did." The "them" in question are of course the Salvatore brothers, Damon and Stefan, who are vampires like Katherine.

The problem, for Elena as well as the sympathetic viewer (or reader) is that it really isn't okay to love them both. It just is.

After all, if Elena were to admit to herself that she is in love with Damon, that would make her as bad as Katherine - or at least, more like Katherine than she will let herself believe. Moreover, giving in to her feelings for Damon would be the ultimate betrayal of Stefan, violating Elena's very seriously held and rather noble belief system which is founded first and foremost on loyalty.

The idea that Damon is any darker or more villainous that Stefan has, at least on the t.v. show, become an entirely moot point. Their crimes are either equal, or Stefan is actually worse. Damon handles his dark side with a suave and graceful sardonic streak which, while it does not protect him from his sadness, is at least honest and a great deal healthier than Stefan's repression (comparatively speaking). After all, smothering his baser instincts, refusing to admit them, causes all hell to break loose whenever Stefan gets a taste of blood. Stefan may be more virtuous, but the talents he lacks - knowledge of himself and honesty on that topic - are the very areas wherein Damon excels. Damon is better at protecting Elena and sees every facet of the situation for what it is. If he has a tendency to lapse into pouting temper tantrums or to run away, well, so does Stefan; these are part and parcel of the vampire hunk character type and could hardly be discarded in any iteration.

Hence, looking at the brothers on an even playing field, Elena's dilemma comes into sharper and possibly more troubling focus. After all, Season 3 has her holding onto the fraying remains of her connection with the off-the-reservation Stefan while fighting her ever-more-apparent and rather deeper emotional and physical attraction to Damon. The false shroud of the good brother v.s. bad brother dynamic has been tossed aside, rather brilliantly in fact, leaving Elena bereft of the sturdiest reason she had to cling to Stefan.

While the Elena of the novel series is rather ditzier than Nina Dobrev's steely and defensive character, they share a fearless flair for adventure and are both great leaders, intensely protective of their respective scooby gangs. Smith hasn't blurred the lines and created the moral gray area that characterizes the Salvatores in the t.v. version - in the books, Stefan is utterly angelic and Damon is a shameless fiend with a growingly irrepressible soft spot for Elena and her gaggle of teen friends. The added issue of Damon and Bonnie's sort-of romance in the novels ought to throw a wrench into the "Delena" love story, but it only expands the story into an awkward, compelling love square of sorts.

The books' Elena confronts her dual love with a greater frankness and feels some extent of guilt, yet is rather more reluctant to sacrifice either brother for the other than her television counterpart. In one chapter, she is irresistibly drawn to, and surrenders to Damon - in the next, she's back in Stefan's arms. Stefan, by the way, is bizarrely forgiving of Elena's not-exactly-subtle feelings for Damon, excusing it martryishly. At least the t.v. show's version of Stefan has enough of a spine to resent his brother's obsession with his girlfriend. In the books, a discomforting near-polygamous arrangement results. In the show, Elena's conflict is weighted with a greater intelligence (if also made disingenuous by a sizable denial streak) and a higher ideal of responsibility.

For the viewer/reader, whether we root for Elena/Stefan or Elena/Damon (though the latter is clearly the better choice in this writer's view), our automatic identification with Elena as the central protagonist and lens through which we experience the story places our sympathies with her struggle. Yet between the book Elena's slight flooziness and the t.v. Elena's habit of shutting down and hiding from her emotions (yes, the same crime of which Stefan is guilty in another area) keep her flaws in view, adding realistic dimension to the character.

If Elena chooses Stefan, she must continue to conceal and deny her feelings for Damon, but this will not make them go away. She will have the reassurance being in the moral right, tenuously at best, but will be perpetuating an ongoing partial falsehood for the foreseeable future.

If Elena chooses Damon, she will obliterate Stefan's heart but gain true love. It is loyalty and the soft, tender, gentle side of love that tether her to Stefan, and passion and soulmate-destiny which draw her to Damon. If there is one overruling theme that runs through all of Smith's fiction, it is the idea despite the constructs of logic, soulmates are an unavoidable fact of fate.

If one brother sacrifices his own happiness, or dies, leaving her with only one option, the choice is not Elena's. That would be a cheap cop-out.

The question of how to solve Elena's problem rests with the writers of the t.v. show and with the characters' creator L.J. Smith (as well as the editors who have somewhat hijacked her novel series from her in a rather obnoxious manner). Time will tell what the result will be, and a fascinating journey certainly lies ahead.

The Vampire Diaries airs on Thursdays at 9pm on The CW.

Let us review some matters regarding 90210....

2011-10-10T11:09:00.001-07:00

Above from left: Yes, yes, yes, yes, NO, NO, yes, yes.

Ivy: in limbo.

The following 90210 characters may stay:

Naomi: Clearly, Naomi Clarke has become the central character on 90210.2.0. This may be a tad ironic seeing as the cast was originally tailored to center around the new Brenda-and-Brandon characters Annie and Dixon, the "normal" fish out of water teens thrust into a sophisticated new community. However, it would be pointless to deny that Naomi is the most lovable and interesting character on the show, or that nearly every plotline on the show pivots around her. Annalynne McCord's irrepressibly zany shenanigans are as delightful as they are integral to the show's success.

Liam: Hot, conflicted, reformed bad boy. The best male character on the show by a mile. However, his "relationship" with "Jane" is unconvincing and irritating. Liam is only allowed to date Annie or Naomi. Or possibly someday Adrianna? That might be interesting....!

Annie: The Season 1 finale and most of Season 2 ingeniously changed Annie from a whiny, ineffectual lead character to an unhinged, isolated and desperate secondary one. Having long ago rejoined the clique of now-kinda-sorta-college-bound characters, Annie has evolved into a sensible, pleasantly awkward character, retaining just enough of her Kansas naivete.

Adrianna: Fabulously greedy and often rather crazed diva trying to find redemption by being accepted back into the fold of her old pals who all hate her. What more would one want from a character? She's amazing.

Note: it is always entertaining when she sings. Her "I'm Sorry, Navid" song from last season was the first and last time an awesome event was ever associated with "Navid."

Silver: While she's currently trapped in a horribly dull and chemistry-free "relationship" with "Navid," Silver has always been a reliably badass character. We can always count on her for a seasonal bipolar meltdown at the very least, and we all learn a Very Important Lesson every time it happens, don't we?

Her relationship with Adrianna is so much more interesting and important than her "romance" with "Navid" that it speaks rather severely to the pointlessness of the latter.

Teddy: Although Teddy appears to have fallen off the face of the earth, I hear tell that he shall return. Considering the vast amount of time dedicated to his eventful story arc last season, it seems unfair to yank him from the show after we all invested so much emotional concern in his destiny. Teddy's a keeper!

The following 90210 characters should go away immediately.

Dixon: Personally, I have been all done with "Dixon" ever since he decided to sit and pout playing video games whilst his then-lady Silver suffered her seasonal bipolar meltdown out on the train tracks! What a douche. He hasn't matured one iota since then, either, and matters have taken a turn for the seismically disastrous now that he has embarked on a David Silver-esque attempted "pop career." Every time Dixon attempts to sing, rap, or otherwise engage in musical activities, it is hard to resist the urge to smash one's television with the nearest heavy object. One must chant reassuring phrases such as "Naomi will be back soon" in order to get through these scenes.

The expression on Dixon's face in the above image suggests that Tristan Wilds is aware of his own obnoxiousness, which is troubling.

Navid: This weak, boring milksop has inexplicably garnered many attractive ladies in his time, from Adrianna to Silver, despite his inability to do anything remotely entertaining, ever. Go. Away.

In Limbo:

Ivy: It really is a credit to Gillian Zinser's charms as an actress that Ivy remains rather likable even though the writers insist on putting her character through the world's most inane, predictable, depressing storylines. From her unrequited crush on Liam to the time she dated Dixon (ew), to her weird relationship with her mom (Kelly Lynch) who slept with the same boy as her daughter last season, and now to her rushed-into-marriage with the dying guy, poor Ivy cannot catch a break. And of course she goes through it all while wearing the most unaccountably hideous wardrobe (it's supposed to be "surfer girl chic," but it's more like "an old man wore this in 1992").

Writers! Give Ivy a better plotline, ASAP.

New Season 4 Recurring Characters:

Cowboy Guy: He's a shamelessly campy addition to the show, and has amusing interactions with Naomi. He can stay.

Naomi's sorority sisters: LOVE them. This House Bunny ripoff plot is one of the best parts of Season 4 thus far!

The evil sorority which Annie belongs to for some strange reason: Worthy adversaries for Naomi; they can stay until they inevitably reveal their own insecurities and are defeated and/or turn good.

Jane: GOOOOOOOO AWWWWAAAYYYYYY.

The chick who is turning Annie into a chaste escort: Undecided.

90210 airs at 8pm on Tuesdays, the CW.

A Review of the film The Craft

2011-10-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

Spoilers ahead.

But if you have never seen The Craft, I am worried about you. Go watch it and come back!

The Craft is an undisputed horror classic, an epic tale of teen girl warfare wrapped up in mid-'90's grunge-goth-chic with some pretty badass witchery. This movie has influenced many other horror/fantasy works, from Charmed's implementation of The Smiths' "How Soon is Now?" as their theme song, to the undeniable resemblance between the slouchy-pretty-awkward trifecta perfected by Robin Tunney in The Craft and later by Kristen Stewart in the Twilight films. If the writers of The Craft were at all influenced by L.J. Smith's 1992 novel The Secret Circle, matters certainly have come full "circle" in the t.v. adaptation of the latter. Faye, a character very similar to The Craft's Nancy (Fairuza Balk), asks her fellow witches why they can't just have fun like the girls in The Craft - up until the bit with the bugs and snakes, that is.

Sarah (Tunney) is an extremely nervous, formally suicidal good girl who moves to A Generic New City and is taken under the wing of a makeshift coven comprised of fabulous bad girl Nancy, looks-obsessed Bonnie (Neve Campbell), and the fairly-normal-seeming Rochelle (Rachel True). Each of Sarah's new friends has a chip on their shoulder and a reservoir of bitter vengeance aimed at their more popular classmates at the Generic High School where Breckin Meyer and Skeet Ulrich Also Go of Course. Nancy has been rendered both flinty and desperately unhinged by her terrible home life. Bonnie is covered with burn scars (the cause of which are never explained...hmmm!). And Rochelle is mocked by racist classmate Laura (Christine Taylor) in Gym-Swim class (which class, by the by, apparently has no teacher at all until late in the movie. Where was this incompetent moron when Laura was harassing Rochelle earlier?).

Now, the other girls know all about witchcraft due to the books they have acquired down at the friendly Local Witchy Store Run by a Lady Full of Ominous Warnings, but Sarah is a natural-born witch. Hence, she'd be more powerful by far than any of them if she could just overcome her copious hesitation issues. Sigh. When the girls first bond, it's all "let's go running merrily through the streets!" and "Let's call the corners and celebrate our sisterhood!" These are the scenes which establish a very sweet friendship between the four socially outcast girls. Sadly, this tenuous bond is doomed to break under the pressure of power and its accompanying temptations and consequences.

Of course, Sarah and Nancy both want Chris (Skeet! He's always a douchebag in every '90's movie!), a stereotypically stupid and heartless "football stud" unworthy of either of their time. Sarah puts a love spell on Chris, partially to embarrass him after he spreads false rumors about her, and partially because she still wants him to want her. Events snowball into disaster from that point forward, culminating in Nancy - who grows more and more gorgeously freaky looking as her craziness escalates throughout the film - tossing Chris from a window to his death. Meanwhile, Rochelle puts the hair-loss whammy on Laura, and Bonnie's skin miraculously heals due to more spells.

Sarah and Nancy are intensely serious about magic, but it seems as though Bonnie and Rochelle are borderline-vapid hangers-on just along for the ride and the personal gain they can get from their involvement in the coven (this is proved by the second-to-last scene). Soon it's time for Sarah and Nancy to face off, the latter aided at first by her eventually useless cohorts, who just want to be on whichever side is going to win. It takes the glamoured, seeming-murder of her father and stepmother, as well as an unpleasant bug-and-snake deluge, courtesy of Nancy, to bring out Sarah's inner Agent Effing Lisbon, but finally the good girl has to put the smack down on the admittedly awesome and lovable bad girl, with the fight that won the Mtv Movie Awards' Best Fight award back when the Mtv Movie Awards were actually cool.

Although it's a shame that selfish power hunger tears apart the fragile friendship formed between Sarah, Nancy, Rochelle, and Bonnie, the ultimate message of the film isn't all mean-spirited pessimism. Sarah manages to surmount the specters of her past and finds her inner strength, rather nonchalantly showing off her incredible powers and newly gained confident pluck in the last couple of encounters with her former friends. It is definitely too bad that Rochelle and Bonnie end up a pair of sniveling cowards (I hate to say it, but it's true) and even sadder that Nancy lands herself in a mental asylum, since these characters all start out genuinely sympathetic and likable. The final scenes actually seem to set up a sequel which might have resolved these issues, either giving certain characters redemption or giving additional closure to the problems between the girls. However, it seems the only attempt at a follow-up was an ultimately-aborted 2008 direct-to-DVD entry which would probably have underwhelmed.

It is good for horror fans, as well as fans of generally 1996-tastic bits of pop cultural glory, then, that we have the one and only The Craft, a movie which is exceptionally worthy of annual autumnal viewings.

10 malevolent pumpkins out of ten

New Music Reviews: Florence and the Machine, Cher Lloyd, Sunday Girl and more!

2011-09-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

Class on Toast:

Florence and the Machine - "Shake it Out"

The first song we heard from the upcoming album Ceremonials was the rather dreary and depressing little ditty "That's What the Water Gave Me," and things are balancing out nicely with this next track, the no-holds-barred self esteem get-up-and-go anthem "Shake it Out." Sample lyric: "It's hard to dance with a devil on your back, so shake him off." Astoundingly spectacular.

Martin Solveig and Sunday Girl - "Let's Not Play Games"

He's 50% of the force behind the Dragonette-vocalized "Hello," one of the year's most irrepressibly eloquent dancey numbers that simply never gets old. She's the slinky Britpop wonder behind such luminous bits of pop perfection as "Four Floors" and "Stop Hey." Not surprisingly, this team-up is instant legend, with the topic of halting pointless romantic passive aggression explored in exquisitely eloquent fashion.

JLS - "Take a Chance on Me"

It feels like JLS's second album just came out (in reality it was probably a year ago) and they are releasing their third, Jukebox, in November. What a treat to find that the tracks sound even better than the mostly-superlative Out of This World. "Take a Chance on Me" is a smooth, catchy midtempo urge to take the titular chance on lurves, and it is predictably awesomesauce.

Matt Cardle - "Run for Your Life"

The winner of last year's U.K. X-Factor is no slouch when it comes to singing angsty ballads - see his performance of Brit Brit's "...Baby One More Time" from the show, where he makes the track into a heart wrenching and somewhat desperate/unhinged plea, as well as his earlier single "When We Collide." Gary Barlow happens to have written "Run for Your Life," and we all know there's not much more we can ask from a song than that. It's not the word's most surprising single, but it is class.

JoJo - "Disaster"

It is a well-known fact that JoJo + self-righteously sassy breakup song = AMAZE, so this track is unshockingly just that.

Queen of Hearts - "Spanish Sahara"

Another hit of frothily contemplative pining from this intriguing new artist, this time laced with a fascinating element of danger: "I'm the fury in your head, I'm the fury in your bed." Download the song for free here.

Cheese on Toast:

Cher Lloyd - "With Ur Love"

Yay, it's more pure bubblicious fun from the X Factor U.K.'s most swaggarific alum, less boastfully blah-di-blah-di than previous single "Swagger Jagger" and more blissful infatuation. Fab.

The Wanted - "Lightening"

Business as usual for the U.K. boy/man? band: a midtempo ode to romantic impetuousness - rather better than "Gold Forever" and probably about on par with "Glad You Came" after a few listens.

Kelly Clarkson - "Mr. Know it All"

Kelly keeps it safe yet charming as well with her new song, which is essentially a less fierce "Since U Been Gone" set to the melody of Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are." Very decent and definitely a grower after a few spins.

Sunday Girl - "Love U More"

Her again! Hey, this was a Steps song on the classic Step One album! I would know those mixed metaphors anywhere! Okay, time to stop exclaiming things. But it's exciting. Truly ace version of this song. Check it out here.

Horror Reviews: Don't be Afraid of the Dark (2011), Fright Night (2011) and Final Destination 5

2011-09-13T16:12:00.000-07:00

Mild spoilers throughout.

Don't be Afraid of the Dark

Thickly ominous atmosphere and genuine scares go a long way towards saving this film from a multitude of cliches and plot holes. Bailee Madison stars as Sally, a young girl sent to live with her father Alex (Guy Pierce) in "Rhode Island" (aka Melbourne, Australia, especially amusing to me as a Rhode Islander), where he is fixing up an old Victorian estate with his girlfriend Kim (Katie Holmes). Broad, yet effective metaphor is set into motion as Sally's fears that she is unwanted intermingle with her resentment towards her father and Kim, and creepy little creatures in the basement whisper promises of friendship to Sally. The horrid beasties are faerie with a taste for human souls and teeth, the latter indicated in the bluntly flinch-inducing opening sequence.

Of course, a propos of the haunted house subgenre, Pierce's father figure is beyond useless, prioritizing work and money above his relationships with Kim and Sally, who eventually bond as Kim gives credence to Sally's reports of the beasties. Naturally, Alex not only disbelieves, but doesn't especially care about his daughter's collapse into hysteria, except to complain about it. His sudden turnaround into caring daddy at the end of the film feels like a dishonest, half-baked redemption.

Katie Holmes takes a lot of flak from critics, which I frankly do not understand at all. The only explanation seems to be that said critics have never watched Dawson's Creek, which is so tantamount to ignorance of the meaning of life that it is a disturbing concept. At any rate, she gives the relatively thankless role of Kim a great boost of charm, though the character and her relationship with Sally would play out more effectively were it not for the apparently over-edited series of gaping plot inconsistencies (for example, the trio of characters prepare to leave the house several times, but never do) in the latter half of the movie. Reminiscent of Danielle Harris in Halloween 4-5, Madison gives a heart-wrenching performance that is often downright depressing.

Having discussed a bit of the overall pros and cons, it really must be said that there are some truly terrifying sequences in this film. The most frightening are surely the bedroom scene (with Sally searching in her bed covers and unearthing a horrible little faerie fiend - it's in the trailer and I still jumped!) and the bath scene, with the curtains drawn around poor Sally as the faeries surround her. When the creatures are shown in detail, it's not quite as effective, since they kind of look like CG-evident mini-Gollums. However, when portrayed in fleeting, scittering, plotting motion, they are utterly uncanny and seriously prone to make one fear the dark. Better editing and a more cohesive latter half would have helped the movie to rise to its full potential.

8 malevolent pumpkins out of ten.

Fright Night

For pure fun, this film takes the prize over the others reviewed in this entry. 80s cheese is supplanted by contemporary deadpan sarcasm, and while I would certainly never laud the latter over the former, it works exceptionally well in Fright Night 2011. Anton Yelchin makes an initially rather douchey teen protagonist's abrupt turnaround into heroism somewhat believable, while Imogen Poots is suitably plucky as his girlfriend Amy. Overall, though, the success of the movie is down to two incredibly charismatic performances: Colin Farrell's shamelessly nonchalant and exceptionally attractive vampire Jerry, and David Tennant's unstoppably hilarious Vegas "vampire hunter" Peter Vincent, a simultaneous Russell Brand/Cris Angel riff rendered surprisingly deeper with the reveal of a believable back story for the character late in the movie. Terrific special effects and tautly suspenseful confrontations add to the enjoyment of this frightful flick.

9 malevolent pumpkins out of ten.

Final Destination 5

There are some very admirable twists in this entry which add new depth to the normally one-dimensional saga. With a bit more runtime on the movie, more attention could have been paid to explaining and playing with these new concepts, so it's a shame FD5 is over in just as much of a flash as the previous, much less interesting installment. One of the new additions to the mythology is that if a character is next on Death's kill list, that character can defer their awful fate by killing someone else and stealing that victim's remaining years of life. This leads to one of the best ever FD sequences, as there is finally a more human element to the menace. Peter (Miles Fisher), a survivor of the opening bridge collapse disaster, decides to kill fellow survivors Sam (Nicholas D'Agosto) and Molly (Emma Bell), chasing them through a restaurant kitchen filled with potentially lethal accidents waiting to kill any of the three characters - all while the unfortunate investigator Agent Block (Courtney B. Vance) closes in to interrogate the trio. It's rare to find the suspense soaring to such multilayered and genuine heights in this series.

This excellent scene follows a number of sequences in the usual mold of Final Destination kills: tremendously idiotic folk traipsing through set pieces replete with malfunctioning electrical wiring, randomly strewn nails, loose screws, deadly acupuncture needles and so on, before the perfect storm domino effect leads to each of their wretched demises. The scene with gymnast Candice (Ellen Wroe) will probably have me laugh-flinching hysterically every time I recall it and is definitely a standout in the saga. However, the later denouements, including the restaurant scene and the "final" surprise are new in their innovative creativity. It's true that, apart from Bell, this is far from a compelling cast of actors (though D'Agosto is nowhere near as tiresome as he was when he played the loathsome West on Heroes), and neither are the characters especially well-developed. Let's face it, we're not dealing with Devon Sawa, Ali Larter, and Kerr Smith here. Yet the plotline is so intriguingly inventive that an extra 20 minutes tacked onto Final Destination 5 would have expanded that potential and made the film something very special.

9 malevolent pumpkins out of ten.

New TV shows of note, 2011 edition

2011-08-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

The CW:

Its continuous overflow of excellent programming running the spectrum from Class to Cheese to Trash on Toast has yet again ensured that I will be watching every single show on the C-Dub with the exception of the "reality shows." This year, the network have finally made this easier by grouping America's Next Top Model with new reality program Ha8ers on Wednesday nights - after two seasons in a row of unsuccessfully attempting to pair ANTM with scripted dramas. Anyway, here are the new shows to look forward to on the CW:

Ringer

I can't remember the last time there was this much hype about a show on the humble wittle C-dub, but here we are. This suspense thriller series, originally intended to air on CBS, boasts an incredible cast featuring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ioan Gruffudd, and Kristoffer Polaha, among others, not to mention just-announced guest star Jason Dohring. The plot centers on a woman who takes her twin sister's place after the latter vanishes.

Think this sounds familiar? The story is quite similar to Sara Shepard's teen thriller novel The Lying Game, but since ABC Family's adaptation of that series has mysteriously decided that it's a good idea to completely ignore the source material, Ringer has free reign to take this concept and make a much more successful television show out of it.

Premiere: 9/13, 9pm

The Secret Circle

This is based on an excellent teen witchcraft book series by Vampire Diaries author L.J. Smith and should make the perfect Thursday night partner for TVD. Cassie (Britt Robertson) is a young witch unaware of her powers until she moves to the very magical small town of Chance Harbor, Washington. There, she confronts her witchiness while falling for the unattainable Adam (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles' Thomas Dekker), forming a close friendship with Adam's girlfriend Diana (Shelley Hennig) and facing off with the sassy witch Faye (Phoebe Tonkin), who is just a little bit too fascinated by the dark side of magic.

Premiere: 9/15, 9pm

The CW migration project continues:

Britt Robertson: Life UneXpected ----> The Secret Circle

Gale Harold: Hellcats -----> The Secret Circle

Kristoffer Polaha: Life UneXpected -----> Ringer

Hart of Dixie

The CW is hosting quite the return of the prodigal t.v. daughters this season, as continued by Rachel Bilson, star of this series about Zoe, a big city doctor who moves to an old fashioned small town (let's face it, the greatest setting for any t.v. show, tied with space) in Alabama. The show also stars Jaime King and Friday Night Lights' Scott Porter. It's produced by Josh Schwartz, which explains its scheduling directly after Gossip Girl. Schwartz has indicated that the vibe of Hart of Dixie is similar to the sweet, golden-tinted memories of Gilmore Girls and Felicity, so here's hoping.

Premiere: 9/26, 9pm

FOX:

The New Girl

Zooey Deschanel stars in this new series about an "adorkable" young woman with three single, male roommates. I didn't really need to go any further than the first two words of that previous sentence to explain why this is worth watching.

Premiere: 9/20, 9pm

ABC:

Revenge

At first, I tried to resist my excitement over this show, since it seemed to have that auto-doomed vibe to it that FOX's Lonestar suffered from this time last year. Yet the hype is still going strong and the Facebook page has already accrued an impressive amount of fans, so maybe this is one primetime soap that can actually survive on a high profile letter network without doctors (though there does appear to be at least one requisite desperate housewife).

Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) hits the Hamptons to exact the titular vengeance on the evil rich folks who apparently destroyed her family years ago. Madeline Stowe costars as an intense-looking probable villainess, with Roswell's Nick Wechsler and Gossip Girl's Connor Paolo, Krista B. Allen and others rounding out the cast.

Premiere: 9/21, 10pm

Charlie's Angels

Yet another incarnation of the well-worn franchise. I doubt this is going to be very good, but who could resist giving it a try? The trailer walks a fine line between Cheese and Trash on Toast. Minka Kelly, Annie Ilonzeh, and Rachel Taylor star.

Premiere: 9/22, 8pm (airing on the 35th anniversary of the original show's premiere, which is pretty cool.)

Once Upon a Time

This has "amazing" written all over it, from the impressive cast (Jennifer Morrison, Gennifer Goodwin, et al) to the excellent premise (classic fairy tales played out against a contemporary setting, in "Storybrooke, Maine"). The promos, while dark and ominous, glimmer with a nice autumnal feel and plenty of whimsy.

Premiere: 10/23, 8pm

FX:

American Horror Story

Details are scant on this series from Glee creator Ryan Murphy, which happens to star Connie "Tami Taylor" Britton and Dylan McDermott and takes place in a haunted house.

It's well-nigh impossible to go wrong under such circumstances!

Premiere: 10/3, 10pm

Promos:

A Review of the film Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

2011-08-27T10:06:00.001-07:00

Hmmm...

"I thought it was your turn to hold the small pile of blankets!"

What. the. Hell?

Spoilers ahead. After the one-two punch of the masterpiece Halloween 4 and its worthy follow-up, Halloween 5 (see my review of those films here) who would have guessed that the next entry in the franchise would be a disastrous mess of epic proportions, a Russian Doll of interchanging and undeveloped plotlines and untapped potential made memorable only for the sheer fascination of watching such a monumental screw-up in filmmaking? There is, however, something to be said for that fascination, and it is undeniably entertaining to view Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers for this reason.

Since the ending of Halloween 5 (1989) is such a cliffhanger, it is apparent that the sixth entry was supposed to be made much sooner than 1995. Indeed, a series of legal battles caused the delay and allowed a window of time wherein screenwriter Daniel Farrands' apparently rather carefully constructed and detailed screenplay was hewn down to a hot mess, then further sabotaged by director Joe Chappelle's cut-and-paste approach to filmmaking, and then utterly undone by a last-minute recutting following a poorly received test screening. The end result is missing most of the intended mythology and also contains one of the most profoundly stupid concluding scenes in cinema history.

Halloween 5 lays down the roots of a more mystical take on Michael Myers' history and reasons for killing. Perhaps (even though it detracts from the more visceral horror of a simple man who is pure evil, unexplained and incarnate) as a plan to explain Myers' apparent immortality, this makes some amount of sense and could have been executed well under better circumstances than the sixth film allowed.

At the end of the fifth Halloween, the mysterious Man in Black abducts Michael Myers while Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris) discovers Myers' empty jail cell and panics. The Curse of Michael Myers (originally titled Halloween 666) picks up with the now-teenaged Jamie Lloyd (J.C. Brandy) giving birth in the rather matter-of-factly run and bizarrely sanitary cult lair of the Thorn sect. As we later kind of figure out from a series of abruptly dropped fragments of exposition, the cult of the Thorn worship evil and Michael carries the curse of this druid symbol, which requires him to murder his entire family line.

Apparently, Danielle Harris was satisfied neither with her proposed salary nor with the screenplay of the film (which is indeed rather insulting to the memory of the resilient child heroine Jamie) and declined to return. One cannot blame Brandy for the disappointing role Jamie has to play in the Halloween 6. She's given very little to do and almost nothing in the way of dialogue, but does have sort of a Winona Ryder-esque charm about her. As I deconstruct the "plot" of The Curse of Michael Myers, I will be asking a series of questions of the filmmakers and the universe at large. The opening sequences involving Jamie bring up several of these conundrums. After a nurse helps Jamie escape from the cult lair -- okay, wait.

1. Why is there a full hospital staff in the grotesque underground lair of demonic cultists? Granted, this does hint at the later reveal of the cult leader's identity, but it just looks odd and extremely unlikely.

2. After Jamie escapes the cult lair, how is Michael able to drive a car and chase her, even forcing her off the road? Does anyone seriously think Myers possesses the brain capacity to operate a motor vehicle in a specifically planned manner? Or at all?

3. With what sudden intellectual, investigative skills is Michael able to track Jamie from one location to the next (train station to barn) even as she loses him several times? Granted, she does manage to throw him off the track of her baby, but still.

After poor Jamie is dispatched by Michael via a corn thresher (while this character never should have been killed off, at least this stands as one of the only original and interesting kill scenes in the film), our narrative shifts and settles on the Strode family, relatives of Laurie. The Strodes, for inscrutable and idiotic reasons, have taken up residence in the ever-cozy vacated Myers house. John (Bradford English), an ignorant and abusive brute, and his submissively ditzy wife Denise (Kim Darby - the mom from Better off Dead!) live with their moronic teenage son Tim (Keith Bogart) and their returned prodigal daughter Kara (Marianne Hagan in one of the movie's few decent performances) a college student who has a young son, Danny (Devin Gardner). Meanwhile, Tommy Doyle (Paul Rudd in his film debut, a great actor wasted in this mess), who was one of the kids Laurie Strode was babysitting in the original Halloween, is all grown up and has become a self-dubbed investigator of all things Michael Myers. This is one remnant of Farrands' original plan to create continuity between the first two Halloweens and Parts 4-6.

4. How is it that Tommy, with his complicated ongoing investigation and unflinching dedication to sussing out the meaning of Myers' madness and the killer's next move, has apparently never approached Dr. Loomis before? Seeking Loomis' wisdom would clearly be the first move of anyone seriously undertaking such a task.

One of the threads of the "plot" which was broken in the edited version of the movie is Danny's probable destiny of turning evil. Though the finished film shows Danny being haunted by nightmares of The Man in Black and taking up the adorable hobby of drawing murder scenes of his family, this never resolved. Anyway, after a few pointless scenes of Tim and Kara's college lives and the drawn-out, patience-trying murder of their parents by Michael, some interesting developments occur. Tommy has tracked down Jamie's baby and taken him into his protection -

5. What's up with Tommy's bizarre altercation with the hospital receptionist? He's sane again two seconds later and his tantrum serves no purpose.

- having informed Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence, sadly in his final performance) of the situation. Loomis is hanging out with his old pal Dr. Wynn (Mitchell Ryan), and the latter is eventually revealed to be the Man in Black and the leader of the Thorn cult. We're just about able to piece together the basic plan of the cult: to splice Michael's DNA with that of various women and try to produce the ultimate madman killing machine.

6. Why does Wynn expect Dr. Loomis to happily accept the employment offer of the Cult of the Thorn? We can't be expected to believe that Wynn is that stupid.

The original cut of the film has a vastly different resolution of all of this (actually, in the original, much longer version, Jamie lives a little longer too, but she still has a thankless role), with a more traditional version of the cult (involving hooded robes and demonic ceremonies and such). In both versions, the denouement finds Tommy, Kara, Danny and the baby facing off with Michael in the Cult of the Thorn lab. Mind you, this is after Michael has savagely murdered pretty much the entire cult which worships him, belying the idiocy of the cult's M.O. George P. Wilbur, who also plays Michael in Halloween 4, has a good grasp on portraying those extremely humorous moments of Michael's confusion, and the mask in Part 6 seems especially smiley somehow. So there are a few genuine, hearty laughs to be had when Michael confronts the core group of the movie's protagonists. The climax is decent, with Tommy stabbing Myers with some neon liquid-filled syringes and more to the point, beating him unconscious with a pipe (no easy task).

Sadly, from the high point of Halloween 6 we travel to the ultimate low. As Loomis packs Tommy, Kara and the kids into an escape car, the good doctor explains that he still has a little something to do around there before departing himself. In the original ending, which admittedly does not make much more sense than the edited one, Loomis goes back into the lair and finds Dr. Wynn lying on the ground in the Myers mask. After exchanging disses with his frenemy, Loomis is horrified to look down and see the mark of the Thorn (i.e. the curse of evil) on his own forearm. The scene then shifts to an exterior of the Myers home and back to the lair, where an abandoned Myers mask is shown with a few syringes beside it.

The edited version is so much worse. After Loomis bids farewell to the survivors, we never see him again (even though he just said he had something to do). Instead, we get the exterior of the Myers house, a few flashbacks of jumbled mayhem, and then the shot of the mask, with a scream in the background. And. That's. It.

7. Who in God's name thought that this ending made any sense or was a good idea?

Apparently, at least according to popular consensus and general speculation, the culprit was Joe Chappelle, who reportedly kept making cuts and changes to what was left of Farrand's original script, decimating the plot down to a nonsense casserole. Chappelle, who oddly went on to direct some extremely respectable television, including The Wire and my current favourite show Fringe, has culled quite a collection of haters among horror fans. This is not only due to his changes to the "storyline," but also due to his apparent dubbing of Pleasence's performance as "boring," resulting in some of the actor's scenes being cut. This, as all Halloween fans know, is pure sacrilege, especially considering the nearness of Pleasence's untimely demise. The only halfway cool contribution from Chappelle as a director lies in the occasional flashes of random, panicked flashbacky violence which occur throughout, are nicely done, and provide a sense of impending dread.

It's certainly no surprise that in order to salvage the francise, it was time for a complete turnaround with Halloween H20. While the bright side is that it ignores the entire "Cult of Thorn" problem (rendered a huge problem by Halloween 6's squandering of the fifth entry's tantalizing mystery), the downside is that, as I recall, it also ignores Halloweens 4 and 5, which is a disappointing legacy considering the brilliance of those two films. I will soon be reviewing Halloween: H20, one of the most critically and popularly successful of the series.

Halloween: the Curse of Michael Myers: 5 malevolent pumpkins out of ten.

A somewhat awkwardly worded, yet extremely interesting compare and contrast between the original "producer's cut" and the finished, cut-down versions of Halloween 6 can be found here.

New pop reviews: Marina and the Diamonds, Take That, The Saturdays and more!

2011-08-13T08:23:00.001-07:00

Class on Toast:

Marina and the Diamonds - "Fear and Loathing"

It has of course already been firmly established that Marina and the Diamonds is stunningly amazing. At last, she has begun releasing new material, starting with the gorgeous new ballad "Fear and Loathing," which hits a perfect stride between self-catharsis and listener-catharsis. Marina has a real knack for crafting songs which simultaneously tap the nerve of the worst version of ourselves that we fear becoming and - whether overtly or subliminally - advise against crossing that tenuous line. There are beautiful moments galore in "Fear and Loathing," but the ultimate one might well be the soothing and enlightened "baby, you don't have to live your life in fear." It's immediately apparent that Marina's sophomore album will, to put it lightly, not disappoint.

Take That - "When We Were Young"

Prescription to cure all cynicism towards contemporary pop music (i.e. an instant antidote to the imitative, dull, inane schlock filling up the Billboard charts): take five doses of hotness, add one epic saga culminating in sweetly reconciled friendship and honest reappraisal of what the past meant, and stir in a sense of embracing the moments which make it all worthwhile. Repeat as needed.

Cheese on Toast:

The Saturdays - "All Fired Up"

If this song were not performed by The Saturdays, it might not be very interesting. However, since it is, we must address it as something more significant than the flimsy affair it would be if sung by lesser entities. Anytime the girls would like to get back to feisty breakup songs ("Higher," "Ego") and/or complicated love sagas ("Issues," "Missing You") would be quite welcome, matter of fact. However, "All Fired Up" does improve upon multiple listens (especially the Alias remix, which should have been the definitive version) - and check out that handclap part in the video. Fab.

One Direction - "That's What Makes You Beautiful"

I don't even attempt to resist songs like this. This boy band from the previous X Factor season are setting British schoolgirls' hearts a pitter patter with this ode to female self-effacing diffidence. It puts me rather in mind of the sort of songs Jesse McCartney used to put out, and I think the popmosphere could generally use a bit more of this sugary male adulation.

Nicola Roberts - "Lucky Day"

I understand the mixed reactions and slight confusion resulting from Nicola's solo output thus far. I myself expected the singles to be more Class on Toast than Cheese, but from the slightly overproduced, slightly over-cacaphonous "Beat of My Drum," to the cheeky b-side "Disco, Blisters and a Comedown" and now to the new single "Lucky Day," (which is a major grower and certainly the best we've heard so far) Nicola's music is fun, if imperfect. However, I fully expect her upcoming solo debut album to contain serious Class.

Did the notoriously world-stopping, vulnerable brilliance of "hello, did you call me?" cause most fans to assume Nicola's solo career would be the best of the Girls Aloud members? I suppose that I have always just assumed Cheryl Cole was the most epic. However, Nadine Coyle's solo album deserved more props than it received as well. While Nicola has yet to show us anything equal to Cheryl's "The Flood" or Nadine's "Insatiable," "Lucky Day" is an intriguingly off-kilter, coquettishly geeky little track that does appeal. Nicola's own fourth-wall-breaking expression and shrug at the end of the video seem like an acknowledgement of some of these issues, as if to say "here I am, like it or leave it," rather as the song does. It's certainly likable enough if we can get past the gargantuan spectre of Expectation.

A Review of the film Captain America: The First Avenger

2011-08-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

Everything about Captain America: The First Avenger feels right. An excellent choice of director (The Rocketeer's Joe Johnston) and star (the always charismatic Chris Evans) combine with a solid script and exemplary supporting cast to create a wonderfully exciting and surprisingly emotional experience. As Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, in the underrated Fantastic Four films, Evans impressed with his easy charm and sparky humor. As Steve Rogers, the (at first) skinny kid from Brooklyn determined to serve his country during WWII, Evens steps forward as a truly impressive actor, far from a one-trick pony. To personify the unflinching patriotism and old-fashioned goodness of Captain America without becoming a cardboard caricature or seeming outdated is a task of such herculean proportions that Evans' warm, kind, brave turn is excessively welcome.

While the story takes us clearly and thrillingly through Cap's origin, his first battle with the Red Skull (Hugo Weaving), romance with Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell), friendship with Bucky Barnes (Sebastian Stan), and beyond, each of these events is bolstered in dramatic profundity by the quality of the talent and execution. Weaving makes the Red Skull a formidable menace, never overplaying it, even when transformed into a bright red horror show. Atwell's Carter is probably the best of the "love interest" types in the Marvel cinematic universe. Pepper Potts and Jane Foster are smart, perky, and funny - worthy and delightful characters to be sure. Yet Carter has more of her own life and agenda, and she's intensified by her clearly deep comprehension of the stakes, defined by her commitment to help save the world from caving in on itself in the terrors of war. This is what she shares with Cap, and it sets them on equal footing, the impossibility and inevitability of emotional distraction rendering their love story compelling. Sebastian Stan's Bucky is an intriguing sidebar (one wonders if the Winter Soldier storyline will come into play in future Captain America or Avengers films), believably a pleasant and supportive best friend.

Tommy Lee Jones' Colonel Chester Phillips is predictably superb, with Jones fitting more syllables into sarcasm-drenched one-liners than any other actor should probably attempt. His steely-but-fair attitude provides a perfect sense of authority, well-supplemented by the slightly roguish, yet rather sensible Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper) and Stanley Tucci as the clever and intensely perceptive scientist Abraham Erskine.

Out of all the excellent superhero movies I have seen this summer, Captain America has the most heart. The palpable sense of friendship fated to doom fills X-Men: First Class with suspenseful tension; Hal Jordan's almost insurmountable insecurities make Green Lantern a believable, sympathetic hero to root for; and Thor's battle to regain his dignity and save two worlds brings us one of the most thoroughly epic, yet simultaneously likable movie heroes ever. Yet - to take one scene in Captain America as an example - the unyieldingly dignified manner in which frail, asthmatic Steve Rogers throws himself on a seeming-live grenade to save his fellow soldiers during a training exercise overflows with such complexity of emotion that it belies its very simplicity.

By the time Rogers is catapulted from one destiny to another in Captain America's brilliant final scenes, the bar has been well and truly raised for Marvel's cinematic offerings. Let's have no more awkwardly stalling filler pieces (Iron Man 2), and frankly, there's little to no need for an equally awkward "reboot" (The Amazing Spider-man) apparently more concerned with keeping a franchise going than with stopping to ask if audiences will muster enthusiasm for such a bland retread. Instead, Marvel needs to hold X-Men: First Class, Thor, and most of all Captain America as examples of the level of greatness they must aspire to continue implementing.

Be sure to stay through Captain America's credits, as there is indeed an extra -- would we call it a scene? Not exactly; let's just say that there is a little something else to be seen. Mind you, I would have preferred a scene, but what we get is rather enticing....

10 pink flowers out of ten

The Top 20 Most Memorable Scenes of One Tree Hill, Season 1

2011-07-26T16:28:00.000-07:00

20. Lucas leaves Tree Hill

It may seem like an odd choice to remember fondly, as of course no viewer wanted to see our squintily contemplative, classic novel-quoting, b-ball playing hunk go off into the sunset. But it was an incredibly suspenseful cliffhanger (along with the Naley marriage), building off the corrosive energy of the Peyton/Lucas/Brooke triangle, the Scott family drama and all of the soapy goodness that finally became too much for Lucas to handle. Lucas and Keith's departure also sets the scene for the excellent season 2 premiere, when the two of them have to man up to the problems they left behind and confront them head-on by returning to the world's most treacherous small, North Carolina town.

It reminds me of the Tyler Hilton lyric "love is never in the same place that you left it." Luckily for Lucas and Keith, it didn't wander far.

19. The Boy Toy auction

This is one of the first "the whole cast collides crazily during a very contrived social event" episodes, a type which would rapidly become a well-worn and much-loved staple of One Tree Hill.

18. The father/son basketball game

This was a perfect opportunity to show how Dan would act if he got a chance to hit the court and relive his long-dead and rotting dreams of basketball stardom. Predictably, he's hilariously and terrifyingly menacing, further cementing the character's gradual journey towards epic villaindom.

17. "Your art matters"

You know it brings a tear to your eye.

16. Dan's "basketball appreciation party"

What a shindig this was! In addition to Lucas, Keith, and Karen's cringing reluctance to attend such a clearly nefarious event ("Caw!") there were important developments in the Naley relationship, inadvertently set off by a very drunk and belligerent Brooke. Memorable, to say the least. There's a great moment of Nathan reprimanding Brooke very knowingly about her behavior, hinting at the familiarity between the two we do not fully understand until another crazy party in Season 4....

15. Lucas and Brooke save Peyton from the evil college party

When Brooke drags Peyton to a wild frat throwdown, trouble quickly ensues. Left alone for approximately 1.5 seconds, poor, vulnerable Peyton is ruffied and assaulted by a vile college guy. Luckily, Brooke heroically interrupts and immediately calls Lucas for backup. It's terrific to see this early Lucas/Brooke teamup, and the evening hints at the complicated triangle developing between the three.

14. Peyton vs Nicki

"I asked you if you had a problem." "Yeah, I do. It's called you, bitch." There is a still from this scene in the dictionary next to the word AMAZING.

13. Keith tells Karen he loves her

Awwww! When one reviews this season years later, the utterly sweet and kind nature of Keith comes like a sucker-punch reminder of the atrocity of Dan's crime in season 3. By this point, many of us may have become somewhat numbed to Keith's memory, but one look back at his drunken, adorably lovestruck confession to Karen brings it all back home.

12. The reveal that Jake has a daughter, Jenny

Jake Jagielski, the perfect man. Evidence: not only is he equally as quick with an obscure literary quote as Lucas, but he's nobly and secretly the single parent to his baby girl, Jenny. And just to make his incredible perfection even more clear, Jake serenades his daughter with Elliott Smith's "The Morning After" in the scene when we first see her. Unbelievable.

11. "Because I'm in love with him, Lucas."

I love the blunt and heartfelt, slightly exhausted delivery with which Haley speaks these words to Lucas. One night at Karen's Cafe, he glimpses her brand new tattoo of Nathan's jersey number 23 and responds with self-righteous shock and dismay. When Lucas demands to know how innocent, supposedly chaste Haley could do such a thing, her reply is exquisitely apropos.

10. Brooke confronts Lucas after she finds out about him and Peyton

Sophia Bush fully shines as an actress in this scene, brimming with painful disillusionment and resentment. "That doesn't really matter, Lucas. 'Cause in the end, it all hurts just the same."

9. Brooke in the back of Lucas' car

Like many scenes on this list, this one has been referred to and even redone in several subsequent episodes. It's an apt and unforgettable introduction to B. Davis.

8. "I want all the same things that you want. And I want them with you."

Ouch! Who can forget the utterly epic scene when Peyton finally surmounts her gargantuan insecurities and fears of emotional commitment and goes to Lucas' house to declare her love - only to find Brooke there canoodling with him?! The show's most intensely fraught love triangle was set in stone right then.

7. Everything Whitey does, ever

Coach Whitey Durham accomplishes more awesomeness just in the first season of the show than many characters do in the entire run of a show. He's there to drily ridicule Dan Scott, one of the few with the nerve to not give a damn what "Danny" thinks of him or does in retaliation. Whitey's there to provide invaluable guidance and stern talkings-to that give life's lessons to his team - not least of all to the antagonistic brothers Lucas and Nathan. He even coaches Peyton though her emotional crisis of grieving for her mother (red light, green light...) which is no small feat.

And he's there to support his buddy Keith. Two amazing scenes come to mind in this regard.

There's a scene, very early on, with Whitey and Keith passing a flask back and forth in the coach's office, just chatting about the town's myriad dramas and the Scott family legacy and melodramas. It beautifully establishes their rapport and steely, yet wary statuses as sage badasses.

And there's another moment when Keith convinces Whitey to let Lucas try out for the team - to encourage Lucas, even. The two men are parked by the River Court, watching Lucas play with his non-cliquey friends. Their conversation is heavy with the burdens of the past, and with the bright promise of the future which Lucas personifies and which they are responsible for nurturing.

6. Nathan and Haley's first date

"Mac and cheese is the food of the Gods," Haley quips in her "ugly-ass poncho." "Don't say I never gave you anything," Nathan says, sliding the now-legendary Cracker Jack box bracelet onto her wrist. This scene is so mythic, it's even adapted for the stage by the other characters during Season 3!

5. Lucas vs Nathan at the River Court

Among other remembrances that come as a bit of a shock when watching these early episodes again for the first time in a while is remembering what an utter and complete jerk Nathan was when we first meet him. His uncontrollable antagonistic streak, well-instilled by Dan's parentage, is on full display when he challenges Lucas to a dare game and trounces him mercilessly. It's a pivotal moment in their brotherhood and ends with incredible dramatic tension between the two.

4. Brooke, Haley, and Peyton hang out for the first time

At an away game, Brooke scores some pills and decides to invite Haley (who she renames 'Brooke') to drive back to Tree Hill with Peyton and herself. Hilarity ensues.

3. Dan saves Lucas from the car crash

In the legacy of Tree Hill, one of the most unusual and compelling characters is surely Dan Scott. The hidden potential for good that lies beneath his cold veneer is visible for the first time when - ironically - it is Dan who rescues his rejected son from the car crash with Keith behind the wheel. Of course, it is also the first of many (many, many, many) OTH car crash scenes.

Seriously, where do you need to go in Tree Hill that you can't just walk to? Oh, wait, that's not exactly safe either, is it? Just ask Haley in Season 4 or Dan himself in Season 5.

2. Nathan and Haley's first kiss

Romantic times five billion!

1. Lucas and Peyton meet when the Comet breaks down

I'm an unapologetic favorer of the Brucas relationship, but there is no denying that the Leyton saga is beautiful and incredible in its own right. Nowhere is this more evident than in this iconic scene. It even comes in handy when Lucas is at the alter with man-faced Lindsay in Season 5! Since Lucas calls his short story "The Comet," annoying Lindsay realizes that her fiance loves Peyton still. You can watch the original scene here.

New Pop Reviews- Leona Lewis, Melanie C., Jordin Sparks and more!

2011-07-25T08:53:00.001-07:00

above: Jordin Sparks

Class on Toast

Leona Lewis - Collide

This beautiful song easily accomplishes each task on the "Being Leona Lewis" checklist: it's epic, anthemic, lush, dramatic, and gorgeously sung to the utmost degree. It's a bit like her song "I Got You" by way of her cover of Snow Patrol's "Run." Thoroughly ace.

Demi Lovato - Skyscraper

GOOD GOD.

Melanie C - Think About it

It's evident from the fact that Melanie C is about to release her fifth solo album that remaining a bit under the radar has done nothing to halt her dignified crusade to continue making top-notch music. The previous single "Rock Me" was fluffy summer fun, but "Think About it" is vastly superior, an emotional shot of risky adrenaline with cleverly devil-may-care lyrics and a killer hook.

Cheese on Toast

Chasing Pluto - Maybe I'll Miss You

An ideal coda to the winding down of summer (see also: this and this), this deft little pop number bops neatly along the complicated terrain of uncertain love.

Olly Murs ft Rizzle Kicks - Heart Skips a Beat

I imagine it might be a tad disconcerting if Olly's heart "skips a beat" while it's "on his sleeve" - hold onto it, Olly! At any rate, while this is far from the best Olly Murs track, as usual it is charmingly cutesy and is as peppy as relationship angst can reasonably be portrayed.

Jordin Sparks - The World I Knew

This is a song about discovery and growth funneled through love and freedom, accompanied by a video with scenes of adowable widdle African baby cats canoodling while Jordin plays with animated Disney fairies, courtesy of the Mouse House's latest documentary African Cats. Cuteness. overload. alert.

Trash on Toast

Dev - In the Dark

She may be responsible for the Greatest Cheese on Toast Pop Bridge of Summer 2011 (click here to review), but Dev is inherently a Trash on Toast artiste extraordinaire. Sure, her previous single "Bass Down Low" is helplessly Devivitive (I still find that amusing and you are stuck with it until I do not) of noticeably inferior fellow pop acts (Black Eyed Peas, etc.). But with "In the Dark," Dev's turned up the slinky charm, melding scandalous nightclub shenanigans with sounds more reminiscent of Alexandra Stan and Edward Maya/Vika Jigulina, a huge step forward.

Horror Classix: Reviews of The Prowler and Happy Birthday to Me

2011-07-15T09:21:00.001-07:00

The Prowler (1981)

Ah, 1981, the golden age of the slasher flick. The only issue is that with such a massive influx of output to the genre, a perfectly decent little horror like The Prowler must be held in comparison to its "peers," and falls short in many respects. These days, with the sadly tiny number of horror films being released (when will this change? It's depressing), a movie like The Prowler would be most emphatically appreciated. In the Class of 1981, however, it's somewhere in the low middle of the spectrum of greatness.

Here are some of the qualities which The Prowler has going for it:

makeup effects by legend Tom Savini, who cites the film as his best work
a good final girl (Vicky Dawson) who looks like a combination of Kirsten Dunst and Elizabeth Wakefield - strikingly so, in fact, and these are obviously two exemplary people to resemble.
a great premise, intriguingly set up by The Prowler's opening kill sequence, which takes place back in the 1940's, when a disgruntled and rejected-by-his-lady soldier returns from WII and exacts prompt revenge on said lady and her new lovah. We flashforward to the 80's, where the teens of the same community are preparing to throw the same kind of party which played host to those notorious killings years in the past. Clearly, this is a bad idea on their part.
The last confrontation between final girl Pam and the killer is terrifically twisty and unpredictable.
The Prowler features possibly the absolute best "cool rock band playing at the teen dance" of all '80's horror films. I'm saying that they might even be better than the band in Cheerleader Camp, so you know I'm serious.

Now for some issues:

The killer spends the film decked out in his WWII soldier duds, with several weapons at his disposal such as a knife, gun, etc. He also wields a pitchfork, though. Alright, so even with suspension of disbelief, it's a stretch to imagine this fellow quietly stalking through the night in his heavy helmet and clunky apparel, with a pitchfork in hand. This is not exactly subtle! How can he sneak up on anyone, much less attack one of the teen girls in a swimming pool as he does? It's hard to imagine how he could keep his head above water, much less be a threat. And why the pitchfork? A makeshift sub for a bayonet? Weird.
The entire middle section of the movie is slow and rather dull in several places. It just drags. Take, for example, the young deputy's attempts to contact his father the sheriff, who left town on a fishing trip right before the murders began. We're forced to endure a lengthy, fruitless, unfunny exchange between the deputy (sort of a notably less awesome Dewey from Scream type) and the proprietor of the sheriff's motelzzzzzzzzzzz.
The ending is random and somewhat pointless, a scene that would have been scarier if included earlier in the film, but which has no real significance in the context of the outcome of events by that point.

8 malevolent pumpkins out of ten

Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

We move now from a movie with an oddly anticlimactic ending to a movie whose ending is one of the most amazing ever filmed, an ending which simultaneously saves Happy Birthday to Me from some of its earlier (seeming) flaws and cements its place as a true slasher legend.

Virginia (she has the same name as me, huzzah) (played by Melissa Sue "Mary Ingalls" Anderson) is recovering from a mysterious accident which she is starting to recall slowly in bits and pieces. Seems that a bizarre and violent car crash with her now-deceased mother at the wheel has left the poor girl confused and constantly in a state of near-panic. As if that were not dire enough, after the crash, Ginny's life was saved by a wacky, "state-of-the-art" brain surgery which is shown in flinch-inducing detail via flashback. So in the days leading up to Virginia's 18th birthday, she already has more than enough reason to be uncomfortable. Then her friends, the popular prep school clique known as "The Top Ten," begin disappearing one by one.

What I love about this movie is that it sets itself up to be underestimated, so that what ostensibly appears a by-the-numbers teen scream plotline is ultimately ripped away (rather literally) like the mere facade of mediocrity it is. The "Top Ten," for example, appear to be the same predictable "Types" we always see, including social queen Ann (Tracey E. Bregman, unforgettably badass at the end), Barry Manilow lookalike who somehow gets the chicks Steve (Max Craven), alpha male prankster Rudy (David Eisner), and so on. Why, there's even a creepy nerd set up as a potential suspect for the murders, named Alfred (Jack Blum) - where have we seen that before? Oh, yes, elsewhere in 1981 - in The Burning.

Yet as events unfurl, the clique reveals some beguiling nuances. It's nice to see a basically unspoken romantic tension going on between Rudy and Steve's girlfriend Maggie (Lenore Zann), a level of subtlety rare to the genre. Taking time to develop these -- at least slightly -- complex bonds between the teens lends a nice feeling that the writers actually care about them. There's some bait-and-switches to keep us guessing as several characters appear suspicious at different times, only to become the next victims of the real killer. And some of the teens are relatively likable, inspiring a good level of sympathy as they are picked off.

Melissa Sue Anderson's central role of Ginny is a handwringing marathon, and she does an excellent job of remaining likable, cute and compelling despite the fact that she has to intermittently either a) whine incessantly, b) scream like a frantic banshee, or c) both a. and b. at the same time. Her performance is actually at its best when her own role in the ongoing crimes is brought into increasing question; Anderson's brand of manipulative, plotting vixen makes for an engaging b-side to her other presence as quintessential good girl / final girl.

The ending is one which must be experienced and enjoyed in specificity; I shan't spoil it. I leave you with the charming "Theme Song" to this masterpiece, which surely shares a proud place among other '80s slasher "Theme Songs" like "The Ballad of Harry Warden" from My Bloody Valentine or "Melissa's Theme" from Sweet Sixteen.

9.5 malevolent pumpkins out of ten

Summer Pop Anthems of 2011, continued!

2011-07-09T09:58:00.001-07:00

above: Florrie

Class on Toast:

Wolfette - "Different Story"

If you're not familiar with this brilliant new artist, get yourself over to Youtube and check out previous singles "Waiting for the Explosion" (gorgeously brooding romantic paranoia) and Vanilla (sassy!). "Different Story" showcases a softer side of Wolfette, but the vocals feature the same edgy, emotional intensity. Again, it's insanely catchy. With every track released, I become more eager for a full album from this fab songstress.

Florrie - "Experimenting with Rugs"

When the ingenious and deceptively frothy-sounding, lilty vocals of Florrie coo out passive-aggressive lyrics over a meanderingly beautiful Xenomania production (as labyrinthine in structure as ever), pure pop magic is guaranteed. "My heart isn't big enough no more" is a high point, but the ultimate moment in this song is "If you asked me what I wanted, I couldn't lie with a smile / and if you asked me to believe it, maybe I could for a while." Perfection!

Bright Light Bright Light - "Disco Moment"

Poor Bright Light Bright Light. He's always rather melancholy and angst-ridden, isn't he? In addition to utter brilliance and a heavy 80s influence, it's one of the most prevalent qualities in his songs ("Cry at Films," "A New Word to Say," et al - even his obsession-worthy-amazing cover of the Twin Peaks theme "Falling" is replete with dreamily worrisome wistfulness). "Disco Moment" may sound like a fun title, but the song ponders an unravelling love, and the video features threateningly grim t.v.-headed people.

Cheese on Toast:

JLS ft Dev - "She Makes Me Wanna"

Okay, so this song is no "Eyes Wide Shut" and it's definitely not on the level of "Everybody in Love," but "She Makes Me Wanna" is unfiltered summer bubble gum pop fun. The video, as expected, is an explosion of ridiculousness which must be seen to be believed. The bit where it's suddenly night and people have hula hoops is mind-numbingly amazing.

Let's talk about Dev. She may be a bit Devivative ("lol") of Ke$ha in her "vocal delivery," but she's audacious, adorable, and responsible for possibly the most epically Cheese on Toastylicious pop bridge of the summer. I must repeat it in its entirety, including my own thoughts in brackets:

"Well, that's kind of funny

I - I was just thinking

How you make me (oh-oh-oh-oh)

We're flying over buildings,

Sitting under palm trees,

Drinking bubble gum drinks [what??!!]

We're counting all our monies,

Dancing in ice rinks [astounding]

Buying icies - it's nothing

We're loving, we're worthy of this

Look where we come from

Now this world our kingdom!"

Eh. Ma. Gawd. My whole quality of life skyrocketed as soon as I heard these lyrics.

Nicola Roberts - "Disco, Blisters and a Comedown"

Talking of fantastic lyrics, Nicola lets loose a multitude of blearily hungover witticisms in this insta-classik. "Disco, Blisters and a Comedown" is so overtly superior to her current single "Beat of My Drum" that it's a wonder it ended up the b-side. As an ode to a wild Friday night out, it properly knocks the wind out of Katy Perry's weak-arse "Last Friday Night." The best part about the bluntly disillusioned lyrics (somewhat reminiscent of Girls Aloud classic "Deadlines and Diets") is how utterly British the references are ("I sent my best friend home / she looks like she's been Tangoed," "Why do the lights in the kebab shop make this guy look less hot?").

Oh My! - "Kicking and Screaming"

Delightfully deadpan British cuties Oh My! are back with more rebellious bon mots and a seriously impressive video. To make matters even more splendid, the track is available for absolutely free -- check it here.

And here are the vids:

A review of the film Monte Carlo

2011-07-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

I may be enamored of the influx of superhero popcorn epics this summer, but that doesn't mean I'm not equally thrilled to sit back and enjoy a Cheese on Toasterpiece like Monte Carlo. There has been a disturbing lack of output from certain film genres of late (specifically, the teen scream horror flick, the trashy thriller, and the bubblegum-sweet teen romcom -- Monte Carlo falls neatly into the third genre), and it's refreshing to see a shamelessly sugarlicious romp such as this. This movie is intended for a very specific audience: those who enjoy the works of luminaries in the field like Hilary Duff and Amanda Bynes, as well as the early work of Lindsay Lohan. If The Lizzie McGuire Movie, What a Girl Wants, or Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen floated your boat as they did mine, you're in for a treat with Monte Carlo.

Selena Gomez stars as Grace, (Get it? Because she's going to Monte Carlo...) a hardworking diner waitress who graduates from high school with a realistic amount of relief to escape and embarks on the trip to Paris she's been saving up for. Grace's b.f.f. Emma (a hilariously blunt, ditzy Katie Cassidy) is accompanying her, much to the chagrin of Emma's cutie-pie boyfriend Owen (Cory Monteith, sturdily studly and amusing). Meanwhile, Grace's mother and stepfather (blink-and-you'll-miss-'em Andie MacDowell and Brett Cullen) essentially force Grace's stepsister Meg (Leighton Meester) to go with the gals to Paris. Any questions as to why Meg's so distasteful at the prospect of a free trip to Paris are dispelled by the explanation of recent, sad developments in her life, and Meester gives the most nuanced and sentimentally moving performance of the core trio.

Once the arguing girly posse arrives in the City of Lights, they are quickly disheartened by their cheap and rushed tour and gross accommodations, but Meg is just as quickly in lurves with Aussie hottie Riley (Luke Bracey). Destiny steps in when the ladies run into Grace's surprise doppelganger, snobby British heiress Cordelia (Gomez's British accent and cold demeanor are extremely funny), and before we know it Grace, Meg, and Emma are in the lap of luxury, setting off for Monte Carlo to enjoy the posh digs (and ornate food! Jewels! Gorgeous dresses and shoes!) at the hotel where Cordelia has skipped out on a charity gig. Of course, grumpy French cutie Theo (Pierre Boulanger) insta-falls for Grace, who cannot reveal her true identity.

The hijinks which ensue are soothingly bereft of overt slapstick; the humor is enjoyably sweet and gentle, while the supporting cast, including Catherine Tate as Cordelia's aunt, are on-point. The plotline of Meg and Riley's developing relationship is definitely the best part, but it's interwoven well with Grace's identity crisis, the burgeoning reconciliations between Meg and the other girls, and Owen's confused search for Emma all over Paris and later Monte Carlo.

Comparable in tone to The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants films (classics), Monte Carlo doesn't talk down to its audience or slap us over the head with silly antics. The focus is on dreamy notions of romance and the meaning of female friendship and solidarity. In fact, when matters finally reach the height of their wackiness in the confrontation between Cordelia and the girls, it's legitimately funny (there's an apple involved). It may be playing on half (or less?) the number of screens as Transformers 3 (yawn), but Monte Carlo is a very welcome SugarRush and well worth checking out if you are a fan of its genre.

9 pink flowers out of ten.

Cher Lloyd's first single hath been revealed...

2011-07-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

Mind-bogglingly, there are some who are not properly apprised of the existence of one Cher Lloyd. This is understandable for those who are not regular viewers of the U.K. incarnation of The X-Factor, a program bursting with such vivid and astounding amounts of pure Britpop glory that it may justifiably be called The Greatest Television Show that Ever Happened (you know, among others).

At any rate, the then-sixteen-year-old Cher first popped up during last season's audition calls, belting out a head-turningly adept and attitude-fueled rendition of Keri Hilson's "Turn My Swag on" (note the "swag" thing - this will continue to be important). This not only made Cher Lloyd insta-famous in the United Kingdom, but it also brought the world one of the greatest, most legendary Cheryl Cole-isms: "you are reet oop my street!"

During the season's run, Cher alternatively impressed and frustrated the judges with her egotistical aplomb for the dramatic. It was a love her or hate her situation for the public, and many "haters" filled the interwebs with their vitriol directed at the tiny, feisty chanteuse. Cheryl Cole remained a staunch defender of Cher's unpredictable performances; Simon Cowell was demonstrably frustrated that Cheryl had the role of being Cher's mentor instead of himself, and was by turns bitter/grumpy and kind towards Cher. Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue were often on the fence as the performances shifted from dance-rap-pop to balladry, with many a bold and odd fashion statement.

She did not make the X-Factor finales, yet the anticipation for Cher's musical releases has superseded that of winner Matt Cardle or the seldom-heard-from-since runner-up Rebecca Ferguson. Below, you can check out some of Cher's finest X Factor moments followed by the explosion of Cheese on Toasty goodness that is her brand new single "Swagger Jagger." By turns cartoon-silly and admirably gutsy and fun, "Swagger Jagger" certainly pinpoints Cher's unique persona and impatience with hateration.

As Robbie Williams once sang, "You can't argue with popularity / well, you could / but you'd be wrong." The ongoing buzz surrounding Miss Lloyd certainly suggests that an equal amount of love and hate from the public only serves to raise one's profile and draw excessive attention. Anyway, here are the vids, loves:

(the youtube vid's frozen her in a state of suspended wackiness in the preview image, eh?)

Comics Reviews: July, 2011

2011-06-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

DC:

Flashpoint: Lois Lane and the Resistance (#1 of 3)

This fascinating issue has me extremely intrigued to check out the rest of the Flashpoint series (true, collecting the issues is an arduous task as the story spans across the DCU this summer -- but the issues come with free pins!). First of all, Lois is one of my all-time favourite characters and possibly my favourite DC character bar-none. So seeing her in her own current book is a rare treat. Secondly, the entire crux of the Flashpoint story is incredibly fascinating for any fan of alternate universes and the like. Here, the entire DCU is frighteningly off-kilter (sample factoid: in the Flashpoint U, Wonder Woman and Aquaman have each turned despot and are systematically taking over the world!) but the characters are all unblissfully unaware that this hellish continuity is a possible ruse -- except for Flash and Booster Gold, who catch on to the conundrum due to their time travel / universe-jumping abilities and past experiences.

Speaking of which, the entire plotline gives me pleasant reminisces of Crisis on Inifinite Earths and 52! I am fairly certain this is intentional on the writers' parts, and you will not hear me complaining. Lois Lane and the Resistance is specifically centered on the intrepid reporter (she's one of those in the Flashpoint world as well), who goes undercover in "New Themyscira" (the U.K., now under the dictatorship of Diana and the Amazons!) to attempt to discern the enemy's gameplan and sabotage it. Brilliant.

Supergirl #65

I enjoyed this issue (it's Supergirl, so how could I not?) but it is certainly downright bizarre in several respects. The exchanges between Lois and Kara are oddly stiff and seem to imply a lack of understanding of human humor on Kara's part. This makes Supergirl seem more like she was when she first emerged from her Kryptonian vessel -- or like Laura Vandervoort's naive-yet-determined incarnation on Smallville. That was a fun phase for Kara, but she's beyond well-versed in Earth niceties and in-references by this point.

Kara goes undercover at "Stanhope University" where a series of students have disappeared under mysterious circumstances. She soon encounters an odd band of pajama-wearing, intellectualist students -- the leader of the troupe reminds me for all the world of Cappie from the t.v. show Greek -- and learns that they may have an inside line on the school's odd happenstances. There are some weird unexplained twists in this issue, which I can only assume will be addressed in future installments (for example, why is Kara's roommate able to "fly" out the window?). We shall see!

Action Comics #902

Speaking of Supergirl, Kara shows up here as well, along with Superboy and other assorted allies who help Superman try to defeat the fleet of terrifying Doomsdays, who are led by the original and increasingly sentient beast. As Doomsday's twisted brand of logic leads to ever more insane plots such as eradicating humanity to erase the horror of his own past wrongs, it will be up the Man of Steel and his cache of worthy cohorts to find some way of ending the chaotic maybe-apocalypse. Reign of the Doomsdays continues to pull out all the stops, becoming a truly epic Superman saga.

The Flash #12 (Road to Flashpoint) and Flashpoint #2 of 5

Geoff Johns is certainly a great writer and knows how to construct a complex and heavy-hitting Event storyline, which is lucky for DC fans. After all, the extremely confusing, somewhat unexplained (okay, explained using the vaguest terms possible) upcoming DC 52-reboot -- apparently an overhaul of all 52 DC comics series -- will proceed directly from whatever the ultimate outcome of the Flashpoint series is come August 31. As I intimated earlier, we are clearly approaching a DCU reset -- if not of the intensity of a Crisis on Infinite Earths reset.

Flashpoint is unputdownably compelling, jumping from one shock to the next and linking everything to a universe tweak curtesy of the Reverse Flash. In the Flashpoint U, some heroes become villains (the aforementioned Wonder Woman and Aquaman), some linger in the gray area (Thomas Wayne as a brutally violent, yet seemingly not entirely unreasonable Batman) and a bare minimum retain their stand on the side of truth and justice. Speaking of which, where in the FPU is Superman? We can expect to see this addressed sooner rather than later, if the hints in these and other early FP issues are any indication.

Flashpoint: Booster Gold #44-45

Booster Gold is such an amazing character, mainly because of how wonderfully unique he is. He's an outcast loser from the future who travels back to our time to become a cheesy, endorsement-loving superhero, aided by his adorable and very clever robot sidekick Skeets. Booster has since become a full-fledged, straight-laced do-gooder and dialed down the cheese (somewhat), but it's a well-kept secret. Solving crimes with his time traveling comrades (including the awesomely named Rip Hunter!), Booster is shocked to find himself suddenly transported to the Flashpoint U. As he and Skeets try to solve the puzzle of FP, who should show up but the very ubiquitous Doomsday?! The excitement is amplified by the intrigue of a new, mysteriously super-powered character, Alexandra Gianpoulos.

Power Girl #25

Scour the web as I may, I have been able to find no definitive indication of which issue is to be the last PG solo outing for the foreseeable future. It's been touted throughout web geekdom that the series is ending. Yet, in the face of the 52-reboot, the exact meaning of any "ending" is entirely unclear. At any rate, this is another issue which really lets PG shine, even as she teams up with the normally-distracting Batman to take on justifiably-angsty sorta-villain-sorta-hero Rayhan Mazin. The ending features a wonderful burst of good old PG enthusiasm and self-confidence that cannot help but bring a smile to readers' faces.

Batgirl #22

Speaking of 52-reboot confusion (again), it's been announced that Barbara Gordon is set to swing back into action as Batgirl this Fall. Given the incredible significance and empowering nature of Babs' life as Oracle, and the fact that many readers are entirely satisfied with Stephanie Brown's stint as Batgirl, this is a head-scratcher.

In #22, Steph's off on a jaunt to London, where she teams up with Squire to battle some British baddies while Stephanie is staving off some palpable issues between herself and Batman. On the one hand, it's overtly sugary fun. On the other, the angst and pressure emanating from Batman as he towers over Batgirl on the final page make for quite an intriguing cliffhanger.

Marvel

Captain America #619

It's hard not to be repetitive in reviewing this series, as it has consistently stood head and shoulders above all other Marvel comics output in the last few years, made possible by the extraordinary, noirish, dark and edgy writing of Ed Brubaker. #619 is of course no exception, from Bucky and Natasha's reunion - a nice reconfirmation of the strength of their relationship - to the fraught final page wherein President Obama tells Steve Rogers in no uncertain terms that Bucky is no longer a suitable Captain America. Which leaves one very obvious, yet hesitant contender for the role...Steve himself!

A review of the film Green Lantern

2011-06-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Spoiler warning.

It's easy to imagine how frustrating a summer certain film critics must be having. With the influx of superhero movies, naturally there are those who have been waiting anxiously to condemn the genre with the usual cavalcade of inaccurate stereotypical accusations: that superhero movies are dumb, badly acted popcorn event films designed to titillate the audience but providing nothing deeper.

Sadly for such high horse-bestrode advocates of the deadly serious and general enemies of fun, the undeniable high quality of Thor and X-Men: First Class denied them the opportunity to indulge in their favourite hobby of condemning the genre of costumed crusaders. But now that Green Lantern has been released, these critics are having a field day, the built-up negativity they've been waiting to lavish on the predominance of superhero output finally "justified" by the presence of some minor and ultimately irrelevant flaws in an otherwise stunning film.

Yes, Green Lantern is notably imperfect. More on that will follow. However, it also features intensely charismatic performances by the always on-point Ryan Reynolds and a surprisingly adroit Blake Lively. Its special effects and 3D, contrary to what you have probably read, are gorgeous and evocative of the intensity of mystical outer space adventure. This is a much more science fiction-oriented story than -- probably -- any other superhero saga yet committed to film aside from that of Superman. The story, while admittedly predictable in most of its beats, is inspirational and uplifting.

Martin Campbell, director of my favourite Bond film Casino Royale, does not always make the right calls when it comes to the selection of subplot scenes; some of this definitely also comes down to Peter Sarsgaard, who gives an over-the-top performance as Hector Hammond that is often distracting and sometimes not befitting the rest of the film's tone and content. However, while Hector is incredibly comic-book-exaggerated and his character has seemingly little relevance in the grand scheme of the plot, I feel that we should look deeper into this matter as it has an intriguing subtext.

Note that Sarsgaard's Hector and Reynold's Hal Jordan are both stunted in emotional maturity and in their capacity to achieve professional success by dark and complicated histories with their fathers.* Hector and Hal's paths hardly ever cross prior to their confrontation late in the film, and when they briefly meet in the mid-film outdoor party scene, their casual "oh, hey" sort of greeting speaks to the overarching symbolic significance of the connection between these characters. There's an immediate understanding of their respective predicaments between the two men, but they are loathe to converse or overtly acknowledge one another. Indeed, Hector clearly represents all of the problems which Jordan is avoiding admitting that he himself suffers from.

Hector Hammond can quite effectively be seen as a personification of Hal Jordan's hangups, a physically deformed rendering of all of the feelings Jordan seeks to repress and which are ultimately sabotaging his capacity to become a hero just as poisonously as the invasive yellow "fear" power infects Hammond. Indeed, this is rather broadly painted through the comic-book-accurate use of colors to represent emotional constructs transferred into literal power: Jordan needs to draw on his considerable and admirable store of Will (green power) but is, for much of the movie, hindered by a painful reserve of Fear (yellow power). Even Hector's awkward, inept attempts to gain Carol's (Lively's) attention are reflective of Jordan's inability to make an emotional commitment to the woman he loves.

Considering Hector's character in this context brings special significance to the scene in which Hal Jordan finally defeats him. As soon as Hector Hammond dies, so too do Hal Jordan's inner demons die; this is a literal iteration of the previously underlying symbolism at work here. Even the film's most grave detractors have had to admit that the final sequences, with Hal Jordan in space saving the planet Earth from Parallax are incredibly well-executed and stirring in their heroic poignancy.

Having canvassed the purpose of Hector Hammond's role in the tale, it bears mentioning that Mark Strong's performance as Sinestro is so compelling that the viewer continually wishes that he were the central villain at work here. However, it just isn't time for that yet: how can Hal Jordan take on such a formidable fellow-Lantern adversary when he hasn't even conquered his own insecurities as yet? Neither is it anywhere near time to address the eventual segueing of Carol Ferris into Star Sapphire. These would both be exemplary aspects to explore if -- as one would hope -- the movie does well enough to financially warrant a sequel. In fact, it would be extremely apt to have both of these villains at the forefront in that second film. Hal Jordan is ready to take these challenges on now.

The easy charm of Ryan Reynolds, wherein he infuses Hal Jordan with a cocksure personality and a potent inner vulnerability, sparks great chemistry with the sassy yet sensitive performance of Blake Lively (she's almost always likable on Gossip Girl, but Serena is a one-note character with none of the comedic nuances or deeper struggles of Leighton Meester's showier role of Blair. Green Lantern acts as a welcome showcase for Lively's wider range of possibility as an actress). The scenes on the planet Oa are beautifully rendered, and the training sequence is genuinely amusing despite being a bit cheesy. Overall, in its myriad appeals and entertainment value, Green Lantern is a far better film than current critical supposed-consensus would have you believe -- and it is a worthy addition to the impressive and memorable superhero-laden summer movie season of 2011.

9 pink flowers out of ten.

*As has been noted in many other reviews, Tim Robbins was a preteen when Sarsgaard was born, so the former is overtly too young to be believable as Hector's father.

Summer Anthems, reviewed! Florrie, Charli XCX, Nicola Roberts and more

2011-06-25T13:16:00.001-07:00

above: Charlie XCX

Class on Toast:

Florrie - "I Took a Little Something"

Stumbling daintily through the painful bliss of an under-the-influence romantic rumination, Florrie's "I Took a Little Something" is a beautiful pop masterpiece, glimmering with all of the kaliedoscopic loveliness of its gently intoxicating '80s-esque arrangement and deceptively sweet, listless vocal. Do yourself a favor and grab Florrie's brand-new and very reasonably priced EP Experiments from iTunes. It's one of the most important pop releases of the summer.

Charli XCX - "Stay Away"

Another 80's-influenced track with a head-turningly addictive melody is Charli XCX's debut single "Stay Away." Broodingly angsty and romantiphobic, the murkily disoriented track is mesmerizing in its insistently throbbing beat and edgy, slightly terrified sensibilities. A promising first release from an intriguing new artist.

Cheese on Toast:

Nicola Roberts - "Beat of My Drum"

The buzz on the Girls Aloud singer's upcoming debut solo album Cinderella's Eyes is resoundingly worshipful, which comes as no surprise for anyone familiar with the mysterious, lilty-voiced Nicola. Her first single is the bouncy, cartoon-bright "Beat of My Drum," a dose of bubblegum goodness which probably barely scratches the surface of the brilliance to be found on the deeper tracks of her album.

Melody Thornton - "Sweet Vendetta"

This adorable former Pussycat Doll steps out of the box -- and out of the considerable shadow of Nicole Scherzinger -- with this delightful retro-pop romp, a sleek 60's-spy feeling number which puts one in mind of the type of songs Emma Bunton used to put out.

Selena Gomez - "Love You Like a Love Song"

A smooth, assured midtempo ode to contented lurve, this is a worthy follow-up to the also-quite-good "Bang Bang Bang," and both songs are far superior to the saccharine self esteem motto "Who Says" which is serving as the official single for the obviously epic upcoming Motion Picture Event Monte Carlo. Bonus: excessively ridiculous video! See below.

Trash on Toast:

Bella Vida - "Kiss Me Bang Bang" (Wideboys Remix)

This is undeniably amazing and irresistible, and is performed quite literally by David Hasselhoff's daughters. Hayley and Taylor-Ann appear to have the no-holds-barred trashy dancey anthem thing down right out of the gate, so here's hoping they have some more up their sleeves.

A Review of the Film He Knows You're Alone (1980)

2011-06-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

He Knows You're Alone is an intriguing film in several respects, and rollickingly entertaining to say the least. From the ingeniously meta movie theater scene early on, which resembles the beginning of Scream 2, to the on-screen debut of Tom Hanks and an overall deliriously cheesy 80'slicious experience, it's all win-win, except for the lackluster ending, more on which to follow.

The movie opens with a couple of great one-off kills for our stalking predator (Tom Rolfing): the murder of a makeout-happy couple in the woods at night, followed by the stabbing of a girl in a movie theater who is uncomfortably watching a horror movie with her more enthusiastic friend. The latter scene -- wherein, I might add, we would normally expect the girl to live given her Felicity sweater and intelligent paranoia implying good girl stereotypes -- reveals an unexpected archness to this ridiculously titled slasher flick, released at the apex of proliferation for the genre. It's possibly the greatest sequence in the film, in fact.

The plotline proper follows, and we learn that the killer has an M.O.: killing bride-to-bes before they can walk down the aisle. This concept has a two-fold agenda: casting He Knows You're Alone in the ever-popular mold of the holiday/special occasion slashers (My Bloody Valentine, April Fool's Day, Happy Birthday to Me, etc.), and allowing the final girl Amy (Caitlin O'Heaney) a valid psychological subtext. Her fear of marrying her dull fiance and losing out on love with her ex Marvin (Don Scardino) has her on tenterhooks, and is aptly represented by the punishing consequences of having her bridal party slowly murdered around her as the killer closes in, stalking Amy throughout the movie.

Meanwhile, the idiotic cops play their part too, with Detective Gamble (Lewis Arlt) desperate to avenge the murder of his fiance -- a nice subplot, but Gamble is predictably useless in the final showdown with the killer, and frankly we'd be disappointed otherwise. His partner is portrayed by the principal from The Breakfast Club (Paul Gleason), who gets to spend the movie begging Gamble to stop obsessing over his vendetta. Again, delightfully counterproductive.

Amy's circle of friends are full of great, typical slasher flick shenanigans, from the trampy Joyce (Patty Pease)'s affair with her professor (James Rebhorn) to Nancy (Elizabeth Kemp)'s flirtation with Elliot (Hanks). Joyce and Professor Mason's absurdly entertaining nocturnal romp is rudely interrupted by the killer, and a bit later there's fun to be had with Elliot's Randy Meeks-esque* dialogue about the psychological draw of horror movies. More than a thankless cameo, Hanks' role allows his talent to shine through in a truly cool way. Rumor has it that Elliot's death was excised from the script due to Hanks' charm and the filmmakers being quite taken with him.

Poor Nancy isn't quite as lucky, however. One of the other astoundingly '80s-errific sequences finds her getting stoned while staring at a goldfish tank and listening to trashy-mellow disco-pop, so happy with her evening's past-time that we must sympathize with her fate as the killer attacks.

As I intimated earlier, the ending of He Knows You're Alone just doesn't live up to the classic nature of the rest of the film. After a knock-down drag-out between the killer, Amy, and the goofy but surprisingly useful-in-a-crisis Marvin, we skip ahead a few months to Amy's wedding day. In an annoyingly abrupt and anti-climatic scene, we're led to believe that Amy's boring ex-fiance has now become a bride-killer and is about to attack her. What is this meant to imply: that all rejected beaux are liable to turn to murder? Watch out ladies, think before you dump that loser? It just doesn't gel, but it's the lone bone to pick in an otherwise entirely enjoyable slasher classic experience.

9 malevolent pumpkins out of ten.

*Kevin Williamson must have seen this film prior to writing the Scream movies

A Review of the Film The Silent Scream (1980)

2011-06-19T09:47:00.000-07:00

Review contains spoilers...

The Silent Scream is an exceptional little gem of a horror classic. Mixing genuine scares with just the right amount of cheesiness and humor, director Denny Harris creates palpable atmosphere in the ideal setting of a creepy old house by the sea. It's a boarding house where a small group of "college students" (the majority of whom appear to be in their mid-thirties) are staying, unaware that their new digs are host to a terrifying hidden resident with murder in mind.

Plucky Rebecca Balding stars as Scotty Parker (you already love her because her name is Scotty, right? Right.), a charming final girl who even manages to clock some bedroom time (albeit with the smarmiest of beaus) without paying with her life, a rare feat. Upon moving in, Scotty immediately clicks with housemates Doris (Juli Andelman) and Jack (Steve Doubet), while the trio are irritated by the hilariously absurd antics of rich boy Peter (John Widelock). Everyone should be more concerned with the shady behavior of Mason (Brad Reardon, incredibly Jason Schwartzman-in-Rushmore-esque) the teen son of quietly brooding housemother Mrs Engels (Yvonne De Carlo). While Scotty and Jack flirt and a drunken Peter sexually harasses poor Doris, Mason's tucked away in his bedroom watching creepily deviant videos. But it's not Mason who begins offing the residents one-by-one...

No, the perpetrator of those crimes would be his mute sister Victoria (Barbara Steele in a stunningly compelling turn), who is ensconced deep within the house in a hidden chamber. Harris does a superb job of building up the labyrinthine mysteries of the house, guiding the camera slowly through cobweb-ridden tunnels and beams, building a taut sense of suspenseful curiosity about what lies within. We get Victoria's backstory late in the film, after she's captured Scotty in her lair, and its chilling reveal is made all the more intense by Steele's disturbed and desperate demeanor.

Of course, what would any horror classic be without stupid cops? The Silent Scream packs a doozy in this category, with one of the coppers sporting a distractingly immense 80's-stache, and dialogue zingers like this little exchange:

Dumb cop 1: "Any idea what kind of knife?"

Dumb cop 2: "Yeah, real big and real sharp."

Dumb cop 1: "Terrific."

Amazing.

All in all, there's something incredibly winsome and memorable about The Silent Scream. The setting is magnificent, the denouement genuinely fascinating. The laughs, while goofy, are for the most part self-aware and intentional, which is fun. The only unintentional humor derives from how attractive Jack is supposed to be, wandering around shirtless and queasily skeazy, but hey, it's not as though Scotty has a huge dating pool to pick from. Flashbacks in films of this genre are always spectacular, and the reveal of Victoria's teen years is exquisite. Fans of early-80's slasher splendor are sure to get quite a kick out of the adventures of Scotty Parker at Mrs. Engels' seaside boarding house.

9.5 malevolent pumpkins out of ten.

A Review of the film Super 8

2011-06-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

Super 8 is a film with charm to spare, that generous type of charm that makes one prefer to overlook its imperfections. There's certainly a large population of filmgoers who deeply miss the type of exciting, whip-smart yet sentimental sci-fi event films that were a mainstay of the late 70's and the '80's. For such viewers, myself included, the genuine heart and ambition of Super 8's attempt to recapture this extremely specific feeling hits home with poignancy.

Playing out distinctly like E.T. by way of Goonies, Super 8 follows a determined crew of adolescent filmmakers who are creating a zombie flick over the summer of 1979. While director Charles (Riley Griffiths, making a potentially over-the-top character charming and lovable) and makeup artist Joe (Joel Courtney) crush out over the fascinating leading lady Alice (Elle Fanning, likely in the performance viewers will remember most from this film), a midnight train crash throws the young auteurs into the path of a real-life science fiction adventure.

Everything that leads up to the fateful train scene is pivotally well-nuanced. The families we meet in the close-knit Ohio community are believably complex, especially when it comes to Joe's father, Deputy Jack Lamb (the always-amazing Kyle Chandler), whose wife was killed in a freak factory accident. This plotline is interwoven with a mysterious, discomforting feud between Jack and the painfully awkward screwup Louis (Ron Eldard), who happens to be Alice's father. These heavier elements are nicely balanced with some fun hijinks among the supporting cast, especially those involving George's hottie older sister Jen (Amanda Michalka) and stoner camera store clerk Donny (7th Heaven's David Gallagher).

The point is, when writer/director JJ Abrams throws this endearing community a curveball in the form of a violent and bizarre chain of events, we're very honestly caught up in the nostalgic fascination of the era and feel of the characters and plot, and it gels nicely. As I said, there are a few quite noticeable flaws. The kids get a bit too shouty at times. There's no way a certain individual -- you'll know what I mean when you see it -- would have survived the train crash. The final denouement is definitely over-the-top in its emotional symbolism (yet even that is tenuously balanced by Courtney's winning performance). An additional scene following that last confrontation would have added a nice coda and sense of closure to the story. But all in all, in a summer filled with loud and flashy blockbusters, Super 8 is an enticingly classy throwback.

P.S., don't forget to check out Charles and the gang in their full zombie flick during the closing credits. It's one of the best bits of the Super 8 experience.

9 pink flowers out of ten

A Review of the film X-Men: First Class

2011-06-04T09:43:00.000-07:00

Review contains mild spoilers

Marvel Comics is taking Summer Movie Season 2011 by storm, first releasing the astoundingly magnificent Thor a few weeks ago, and now presenting us with director Matthew Vaughn's pitch-perfect X-Men prequel, First Class. The movie's piece de resistance is surely in its casting of James McAvoy as Charles Xavier and Michael Fassbender as Erik Lensherr (one day to become Magneto). These two actors are so flawlessly compelling in their performances that the vital characters are fascinatingly nuanced and their doomed friendship is incredibly poignant. The script is masterful, weaving the origins of multiple characters into a seamless story set amidst the Cuban Missile Crisis paranoia of the early 60's. There are none of the plot holes that sometimes weakened the otherwise mostly-great previous X-Men films, either.

Carefully linking the start of this movie with what we glimpsed of Magneto's childhood in the previous movies, First Class creates an intriguing dichotomy between the horrors endured by Lensherr at the hands of Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) with the rather more pleasant childhood of the charmingly self-sufficient Xavier, who early on befriends Raven (Jennifer Lawrence in a stunning performance that is a standout in the cast), the future Mystique. As Xavier's comfy existence lingers on through his college years, Lensherr embarks on a rather Inglorious Basterds*-esque Nazi-killing revenge frenzy, one of the film's strongest sequences thanks to Fassbender's multi-layered performance, filled with pain and yet covered with a suave facade.

Immediately, the contrast between Xavier's too-complacent, intensely pacifist stance (which renders him short-sighted on some matters, including the increasing discomfort of Raven) and Lensherr's too-violent, overly paranoid attitude is apparent, with both young men being right in many respects. For a while, once they are brought together by the common goal (facilitated by Rose Byrne's CIA agent Moira MacTaggert) of bringing Shaw down, their opposite mentalities click perfectly. It creates the groundwork for a sweetly idealistic start to the X-Men team, the Camelot of the X-Men story if you will -- before all of the tawdry and bitter in-house disputes come into the picture.

MacTaggert (in one of the film's several little changes to comic mythology, MacTaggert is no longer a Scottish geneticist, but an all-American spy crusader), Xavier, and Lensherr begin rounding up some of the other mutants which Charles is able to sense using a very early version of Cerebro. This leads to a jauntily amusing sequence of meet-and-greets which climaxes with a cameo from Hugh Jackman -- a scene which must be called one of the most hilarious and satisfying ever committed to film. Soon, a group of young mutants is training to confront the evil, un-aging Shaw, who -- with help from the diamond-skinned psychic Emma Frost (January Jones, gorgeous, but miscast) is plotting to help the human race destroy each other through an atomic apocalypse.**

Most of the inevitable "ohhh, that's how that happened!" moments in this prequel come along unexpectedly, as the viewer is caught up in the emotion and action of the story -- especially in the nail-biting face-off between the US, Russia, and the mutants near the end of the movie. This is a testament to the fact that First Class is much more concerned with telling a deep and powerful story than with ticking off boxes to satisfy the surface expectations of its audience. The movie's very subversion of our expectations is most often its strength -- in another movie, Kevin Bacon's hammily villainous Shaw would be threat enough, but we're far more fearful of the deadly resentment boiling under Lensherr's shaky attempt to remain sane and good. As Xavier anchors the side of peace above all, it's hard to predict where the young mutant proteges will land -- with him, or alongside Magneto, ready to fight actively against humanity before humanity can cause mutant extinction. Again, they are both right in their own way, but the pull of despair and resentment means that Magneto will always venture uncontrollably too far.

I've seen some catty box office commentators out there making merry that First Class hasn't yet been making as much money as the previous three X-Men films. There's an attitude reflecting a preference for wham-bang vapidity and a quick buck over serious, well-executed filmmaking that is rather disheartening. No matter how much bank is gained from X-Men: First Class, fans will be grateful to have such a marvelous new entry in the legendary franchise.

10 pink flowers out of ten

*Interesting, since Fassbender was in Inglorious Basterds and on its eponymous team.

**Somewhat Watchmen-esque

The new Saturdays single deserves its own separate review

2011-06-01T11:40:00.001-07:00

This is clearly one of the best moments in 2011 music video history.

Mollie, Frankie, Vanessa, Rochelle, and Una are back! The Sats have released their brand new single "Notorious," a Sugar Rush of pure pop goodness reflective of their generally badass M.O.

Evidence of the amazingness of "Notorious":

- "My resume says I'm a bad girl." I don't think we can reasonably ask for much more than this in a bubble gum pop lyric, can we?

-Slick, self-assured beat accompanied with brilliant office-then-dance-club set music video.

-The song is beguilingly misleading in that the chorus doesn't really feel like a chorus at first, but when the second verse kicks in, everything makes sense.

-"I'm an outlaw, I'm the big boss, I'm a gangster on the dance floor." Now granted, the theme of "dancing" at "the club" has been done to death in pop music for well over a year, but this hook surmounts that potential obstacle with its sheer fabulosity.

For the full "Notorious" experience, check out the official music video and the live performance on the UK So You Think You Can Dance. Ahmazing.

New Pop Reviews: Beyonce, Scouting for Girls, Parade and more!

2011-06-01T09:57:00.000-07:00

Class on Toast

Beyonce - "Best Thing I Never Had"

I think most fans would be ready to admit that "Girls (Who Run the World)" was not exactly the most exciting Beyonce single ever. It's cute and fun, and girl power anthems are always welcome (to deny this would be to deny the philosophy of the Spice Girls, which of course would be tantamount to sacrilege). But "Girls" is so distractingly cacophonous, and somewhat shapeless in its melody, that it just isn't the best B is capable of.

Hence, it's fairly exciting to see her back promptly with a no-holds-barred, pissed-off breakup ballad in the ilk of "Irreplaceable" crossed with "Resentment," and a welcome dash of that sarcastically arch attitude that fueled Rihanna's "Take a Bow." When Beyonce goes full-out, guns-blazing into a power ballad, it's always a startlingly gorgeous sound, and this is no exception.

Scouting for Girls - "Love How it Hurts"

On a sentimental level, this is probably my favourite song in this blog entry. I mean really, as an opening line, one can't do better than "I've been waiting all my life / For someone like you to come mess with my mind." Perfection!

What "This Ain't a Love Song" did for self-esteem-boosting breakup songs, "Love How it Hurts" does for the celebration of bittersweet, angsty lurve. And the video is like a mini-Nick Hornby flick, which only adds to the awesome.

Cheese on Toast

Parade - "Perfume"

We're experiencing quite the girl group resurgence these days, and one of the more charming new acts is surely Parade. Following up their sugarlicious debut "Louder" with the equally infectious "Perfume," the girls are ticking off all of the Girl Group Glory boxes as they go along (a heartfelt ballad should probably serve as the next single). The video has the ladies' amazingness on full display, and like most of the current girly acts, Parade of course includes among their members The One Who Wears Glasses. This is a wonderful new trend because as clearly evidenced by the items perched on my nose at this very moment, girls who wear glasses are cool.

The Wanted - "Glad You Came"

Sure, it's not setting the world on fire or reinventing the wheel, or lending new meaning to any other cliches for that matter. But much like the previous single "Gold Forever," it's sweet, catchy, laid-back, happy about life in general, and well, just has a great title, let's face it.

Trash on Toast

"Sugababes" - "Freedom"

Granted, the entire song hasn't been released yet, but we've been granted a sneak peek via an extremely bizarre Nokia tie-in ad perched uncomfortably between cool and disturbing in its doll imagery. It's been a long time since the "Sugababes" (rightly dubbed as such by Pop Justice due to the absence of Keisha Buchanan in this newest lineup) put some music out. On the one hand, it's nice to hear Heidi and Amelle again, though talented as she is, Jade's vocals still seem out of place and have changed the harmony so much that those quotation marks have to stay around the group's name as far as I'm concerned.

Like "About a Girl" and "Wear My Kiss" before it, the "Sugababes" output -- at its best -- is enjoyable Trash on Toast, but fails to ascend to anything worthy of being mentioned in the same breath as the actual Sugababes.

The dolls are so incredibly weird.

Awwww!